IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people of all ages from certain part of the world spends most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development?

There is no doubt that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern life
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
differents
Use the right word
different
show examples
 ages prefer indoor activities rather than going outside.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reasons, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the technology
development
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communcation
Correct your spelling
communication
 skills.
As well as
Linking Words
,
will
Correct pronoun usage
I will
show examples
 outline my opinion about
where
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 a good or bad
development
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reasons why human beings
tuned
Verb problem
tend
show examples
 to be at
home
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 going outside,
because
Change preposition
that
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 they can not
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 well with others over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, parents can not teach how
express
Verb problem
to express
show examples
 their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and the manners and values of
chosen
Wrong verb form
choosing
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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good friends , which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
communctions barierrs
Correct your spelling
communication barriers
.
In addition
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, the IT
development
Use synonyms
, like mobile phones, or
sony
Fix capitalization
Sony
show examples
, will let them prefer to stay and play at
home
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study has shown that video
games player
Fix the agreement mistake
game players
show examples
 spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
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day
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to health problems. In terms of the
this
Linking Words
 is a negative or positive
development
Use synonyms
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is negative,
ecpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 for children and the workers. For kids,
this
Linking Words
 will affect the schooling process and less
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 to learn or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 outdoor
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 like playing football with the neighbourhood, and
that is
Linking Words
 a leading cause for obesity.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 need to be responsible, so if the workers stay at
Use synonyms
home
Punctuation problem
home,
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 the employers will
fierd
Correct your spelling
fire
 them.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey taking about a psychological disease
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
 that the majority of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 stay at
home
Use synonyms
 more than 17 hours are likely
depresst
Correct your spelling
depressed
. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the less you
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and play video games, the likely face depression.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 do think
that is
Linking Words
 the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 developmental aspect which will
let
Verb problem
make
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 the person sad and lonely.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and gives an outline of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Add more clear examples to support your points.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion about the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses important reasons for staying at home.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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