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Writing Samples
Band 4

A line graph shows the amount of time to produce a vehicle by four US car manufactories between 1998 to 2002.

A line graph shows the amount of time to produce a vehicle by four US car manufactories between 1998 to 2002.
The line graph demonstrates the average
time
Use synonyms
 spent by General
Motors
Use synonyms
,
Ford
Use synonyms
,
Toyota
Use synonyms
, and
Honda
Use synonyms
 to produce
cars
Use synonyms
 in the US for over 17 years,
between
Change preposition
from
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 1998 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent by each automobile company to produce
Use synonyms
cars
Fix capitalization
Cars
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 decreased over
time
Use synonyms
, and General
Motors
Use synonyms
 suffered the greatest drop of all four automobile companies. In 1998, the production of General
Motors
Use synonyms
 was at its zenith, at 32 hours per vehicle,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Correct article usage
The number
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 of
cars
Use synonyms
 of
Honda
Use synonyms
was
Check wording
cars was
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 lowest at 22. The average
time
Use synonyms
 spent by
Toyota
Use synonyms
 and
Ford
Use synonyms
 to produce
cars
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher at 23 and 28
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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. The production of
Use synonyms
ford
Fix capitalization
Ford
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 reached its peak in 2001,
whereas
Linking Words
 the production of
Honda
Use synonyms
 and
Toyota
Use synonyms
cars
Use synonyms
 reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 peak in 2002. After observing the oscillating trends, there was a substantial drop in automobile
manufacturing
Fix capitalization
Manufacturing
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 in the United States by 2005. General
Motors
Use synonyms
 clocked in at 22 hours,
Use synonyms
Ford
Correct word choice
and Ford
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 at 21,
Honda
Use synonyms
 and
Toyota
Use synonyms
 at 20
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the eighth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, motors, ford, toyota, honda, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • produce
  • vehicle
  • manufactories
  • time
  • amount
  • show
  • between
  • years
  • compare
  • trend
  • overall
  • fastest
  • slowest
  • changes
  • significant
  • improve
  • worsen
  • analyze
  • reasons
  • technology
  • demand
  • conclusion
  • summarize
  • main points
  • car manufacturers
  • 1998
  • 2002
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