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Writing Samples
Band 6

Popular natural parks are experiencing damage due to the large number of visitors. What challenges does this bring, and what measures can be taken to preserve these areas?

Many famous nature
parks
Use synonyms
 today are seeing the harmful effects of mass tourism.
This
Linking Words
 has created two major concerns
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 how to better maintain the natural
environment
Use synonyms
 and ensure that no unlawful activities occur. Educational training for
visitors
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 and strict law enforcement ought to resolve these problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with a large number of
visitors
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,
waste
Use synonyms
 management is an issue.
Although
Linking Words
 these
parks
Use synonyms
 have protected status and are often meant to conserve important species,
people
Use synonyms
 still litter these places with plastic
waste
Use synonyms
, which can cause irreversible damage to entire ecosystems of animals and plants. Managing
waste
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 and maintaining the balance of the natural
environment
Use synonyms
 will,
therefore
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, become the most challenging task for authorities.
In addition
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, as more
people
Use synonyms
 start visiting these
parks
Use synonyms
, it will attract more
businesses
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. Food spots, entertainment hubs and recreation activities are some of the examples that are aimed at nature enthusiasts to generate more revenue.
This
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,
as a consequence
Linking Words
, can lead to land encroachment of protected areas by
businesses
Use synonyms
 as demand grows.
Such
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 illegal activities are only possible because of a lack of oversight by the management, which eventually harms the surroundings. There are a few effective solutions to overcome these challenges. One of the measures is to ensure all
visitors
Use synonyms
 are given proper educational training about how to handle plastic
waste
Use synonyms
. They could
also
Linking Words
 be encouraged not to bring any outside food and eat only at the stationed food spots. Another check that must not be ignored by authorities is better enforcement of land rules, especially for shops and
businesses
Use synonyms
. Operating outside of the provided perimeter must be penalised, because over time,
businesses
Use synonyms
 grow and tend to occupy space around them.
For instance
Linking Words
, resorts would need to expand their facilities once
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bookings soar, and build new establishments over conserved areas. These measures will control the change caused to the natural
environment
Use synonyms
 and limit the damage
as a result
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.
To conclude
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, nature
parks
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 are constantly undergoing damage as more
people
Use synonyms
 visit.
This
Linking Words
 has led to the need for better management of
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and the
waste
Use synonyms
 that
people
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 dispose of. In order to fight
this
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 must have educational training for
visitors
Use synonyms
 to make sure they learn how to handle
waste
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, strict regulations and law enforcement must be undertaken to ensure that
businesses
Use synonyms
 do not cause any
further
Linking Words
 harm to the
environment
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences. This will help make your points stronger.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas. Specific examples make your writing more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'however', 'for example', or 'in addition' to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the problem and proposed solutions, which is good for task response.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points, providing a clear ending to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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