IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in seperate schools. Other, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school.

There’s no denying that
boys
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 and
girls
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 go to the same
schools
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. It is common for mixed-gender students to
study
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 together.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
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 some people who believe that there should
exist
Verb problem
be
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 a boundary in education between
boys
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 and
girls
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the following topic and give reasons to support the claim. First and foremost, separating
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 genders
apart
Rephrase
apply
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can deter distraction from the opposite gender.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
girls
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 and
boys
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 may make love in school, and it can affect other students’ learning pathways.
As a result
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, it will affect the school’s
accreditations
Fix the agreement mistake
accreditation
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 in
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study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
.
Moreover
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, with the practice of mobile phones, students can chat online and evade supervision from their teachers, which may be difficult to track
down
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apply
show examples
.
Secondly
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, the curriculum in classrooms will be less intensive, as teachers can now focus on the specific learning type for
girls
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 and
boys
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.
This
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 can prove effective in
study
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 as they can perform well in their favoured gender subject.
On the other hand
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, separation might be a drawback because it may lack collaboration. When
boys
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 and
girls
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study
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 in different
schools
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, they may not be able to perform well enough. In mixed
schools
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,
however
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,
girls
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 might attend painting competitions and
boys
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 may compete in sports. These, when combined, will create a perfect learning background.
Moreover
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, mixed
schools
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also
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 prevent the spread of gender inequality, which can make the world more peaceful. In conclusion,
while
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 it is
understandably
Replace the word
understandable
show examples
logical
Correct word choice
apply
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to incorporate separate school systems, I think that mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 bring more intangible benefits.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in conclusion'.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points, like specific experiences or studies.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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