IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Essay Question: Some people think that to deal with the problem of congestion in cities, privately-owned vehicles should be banned in city centres, while others consider this to be an unrealistic solution. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is arising as one of the common issues in urban areas. It is argued that the best solution to improve metropolitan
traffic
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 flow is to ban non-public
car
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 usage.
Conversely
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, the other group opposes
this
Linking Words
 point and
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that it is
such
Linking Words
 an impractical approach. In my view, both of the arguments
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
 strong points
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 I support the latter reasoning.
To begin
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 with, it is claimed that restricting private cars in the metro can greatly reduce the obstruction in
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow. If the government can develop and execute a competitive and efficient public transportation system,
then
Linking Words
 people will be encouraged to commute using buses or trains,
thus
Linking Words
 limiting
car
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 usage.
As a result
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, the fewer
car
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-related carbon fumes in the air, the cleaner the environment will become.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is argued that banning
car
Use synonyms
 use is idealistic and extreme. If
vast
Correct article usage
the vast
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 majority of commuters rely on the public transport system, in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run, it can lead to transportation insufficiency.
For instance
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, in
densly
Correct your spelling
densely
 populated areas, commuters may experience long queues and overcrowding because of inadequate infrastructure.
Hence
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, managing
this
Linking Words
 demand can eventually result in increasing public utility vehicles
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 still increases the
car
Use synonyms
 volume. In my view, addressing road congestion requires
multifaceted
Correct article usage
a multifaceted
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 approach which cannot be addressed
by solely
Correct word order
solely by
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 prohibiting private vehicles. Our government should consider both supply and demand factors, and other ways to
optimize
Use the right word
optimise
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 operating practices.

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task achievement
Avoid using phrases like 'I support the latter reasoning' as it could be clearer. It is better to explicitly state your opinion in a more direct way.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your argument on both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include a clearer conclusion that summarizes your opinion and the main points discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to help connect ideas between sentences. Examples are 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.
positive
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and shows that you understand both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • ban
  • vehicles
  • city centres
  • unrealistic
  • transportation
  • public transport
  • air quality
  • fewer
  • travel
  • encourage
  • rely on
  • remove
  • difficult
  • option
  • transport
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