IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government should apply tax on unhealthy food to inspire people to eat healthy food which is beneficial for their health. Do you agree or disagree

It is undoubtedly crucial that the government apply
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 to encourage the consumption of healthy products.
Although
Linking Words
 it is understandably logical and appropriate, constraints on fast
food
Use synonyms
 may cause many drawbacks that may not be anticipated.
Therefore
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, I think
people
Use synonyms
 should be the ones to monitor what they eat.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the following as follows: First and foremost, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 doesn't apply
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will be free to choose what they like for mealtimes. Considering that different
people
Use synonyms
 may not have the same budget or expenditure on expensive organic items
such
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 as vegetables or meat,
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will consume pizza or burgers to satisfy their hunger.
However
Linking Words
, the practice of taxation on
foodstuff
Fix the agreement mistake
foodstuffs
show examples
 can lead to starvation
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of money.
For example
Linking Words
, if there weren’t any street vendors,
then
Linking Words
 many homeless
will
Verb problem
people would
show examples
 suffer from hunger.
Secondly
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, fast
food
Use synonyms
 may offer convenience for
people
Use synonyms
 who work continuously. When they are too busy with their work, they can order
to
Check wording
food to
show examples
 eat at their office rather than spending time on cooking. It can save their precious time and money
as well as
Linking Words
practical
Verb problem
be practical
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 in difficult circumstances.
On the other hand
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, imposing additional VAT
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unhealthy junk
food
Use synonyms
 can promote a well-rounded lifestyle, which means that
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 diseases and life-threatening
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 will occur. Many well-known
people
Use synonyms
 will not suffer from diabetes or obesity.
In addition
Linking Words
, it can deter crowding in hospitals as there will be
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 patients.
Consequently
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, the additional charge on junk
food
Use synonyms
 may develop a world where everyone is at their best of health. In conclusion, the
tax
Check wording
apply
show examples
implementing
Replace the word
implementation
show examples
 of government may be beneficial, but it can lead to some drawbacks.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is
people
Use synonyms
’s choice to decide what to eat.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. Some points are good but need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the flow of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
In the introduction, outline your main points more clearly. This helps the reader understand your argument.
task achievement
You identified good points about both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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