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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is a better than wa tching TV or playing computers game for children to what extend do you agree

Many members of the public believe that reading a story from a
book
Use synonyms
 is
much
Rephrase
more
show examples
 helpful than watching movies or playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 for the minors.I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they should read and learn useful information that would help them in the future. Experts say that kids must read a
book
Use synonyms
 rather than watch TV or play online
games
Use synonyms
.I agree
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 should always be reading a
book
Use synonyms
 and prefer a
book
Use synonyms
 over movies or
games
Use synonyms
.
Books
Use synonyms
 are very useful and important
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their age. Every parent should make their sons and daughters read as many stories as they can.There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
 excellent information in the
books
Use synonyms
 that would benefit them in their future.To illustrate ,
books
Use synonyms
 can advocate for them to choose their university major or start a business of something they like that profits them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other individuals claim that
books
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 no use
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 any
benifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
.They believe that minors should experience going out and socialising
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting their time on reading.
Also
Linking Words
, one of their claims is that
books
Use synonyms
 are boring and
on
Change preposition
if
show examples
kid
Correct article usage
a kid
show examples
 wants to read about science or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Punctuation problem
space,
show examples
 they should play and study
instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 nonsense.They presume that every child would choose watching TV and playing
games
Use synonyms
 over reading.The members of the society clarified that authors should start working more on thair
books
Use synonyms
 and make them much intertaining for a child to read since there not that creative with thair
books
Use synonyms
 so it makes it a bit boring for them to read.addition to that
books
Use synonyms
 take a long period of time to read that makes it hard for a minors to complete so
book
Use synonyms
 makers should focus on writing stories that are not too long so thet can enjoy and be entertained. In conclusion, I think mothers and fathers should encourage
thair
Use the right word
their
show examples
 children to read more and offer them
kids friendly
Use the right word
kid-friendly
show examples
 stories that don't take ages to finish and contain useful information that helps with their knowledge.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Summarize your main points in the conclusion. This will help the reader understand your argument better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can mention specific books that are popular among children and why they are beneficial.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied and simple sentence structures. Avoid repeating the same phrases. This will make your writing more interesting to read.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion stating that reading is better than watching TV or playing games. This shows strong belief in your argument.
task achievement
You included a good effort to address the opposing view, showing you understand the debate.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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