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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

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The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
The bar chart illustrates the results of a survey concerning the habits of buying and drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in five Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,most
people
Use synonyms
 chose to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 and instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 a minority of
people
Use synonyms
 went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
. In detail,
people
Use synonyms
 who purchased fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 in Melbourne account for the highest percentage of city
residence
Check wording
residents
show examples
,which is 63%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide is the lowest at just 49%,even lower than
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
the proportion of people
show examples
 who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 in Hobart is higher than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 other 4 cities,which is 54%,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in Brisbane,Adelaide,Melbourne and Sydney make up 53%,50%,48% and 46% respectively. Let's look at the
last
Linking Words
 category.The proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
Use synonyms
weeks
Check wording
week
show examples
 in all cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 lower than 45%.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in Brisbane and Adelaide account for 33% and 34% of city residents,both lower than 35%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of Sydney,Melbourne and Hobart are 43%,42% and 37%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, people, weeks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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