IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

With the rapid increase in the number of
cars
Use synonyms
, growing
traffic
Use synonyms
 and pollution
problems
Use synonyms
 have aroused great concern among
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is proposed that raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of petrol is the most suitable method to solve these
problems
Use synonyms
, I believe that it might be helpful to some extent. But it is definitely not the best solution. There is no doubt that
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 petrol
price
Use synonyms
 will deter
people
Use synonyms
to buy
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
.
Owing
Use the right word
Owning
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
 not only
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a sum of money to purchase it, but
also
Linking Words
 continuous expenses in insurance and fuel. If the
price
Use synonyms
 is rising, for the sake of saving the budget, some individuals will tend to reduce the frequency of using the
car
Use synonyms
 or give up the idea
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 buying a
car
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 relieving the
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion. What is more, it
also
Linking Words
 led to more usage of public
transportation
Use synonyms
. Rather than choosing a
car
Use synonyms
 to commute,
people
Use synonyms
 will prefer to take public
transportation
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 and
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
, which is both a cost-effective and eco-friendly way.
Therefore
Linking Words
, pollution
problems
Use synonyms
 will be improved significantly.
However
Linking Words
, relying solely on
this
Linking Words
 method to solve
problems
Use synonyms
 is far not enough
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 other better solutions
Linking Words
also should
Correct word order
should also
show examples
 be considered.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could put more financial
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
to improve
Change preposition
into improving
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 system.
For example
Linking Words
, trains are not available in some areas,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
so people
show examples
 have to buy
cars
Use synonyms
 to travel. If the
transportation
Use synonyms
net
Check wording
network
show examples
 could be expanded to a larger area, the frequency of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 usage
will be declined
Wrong verb form
would decline
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, enacting strict policies about
traffic
Use synonyms
 restrictions is an ideal method to decrease
cars
Use synonyms
 on the roads.
For instance
Linking Words
, only a certain number of
cars
Use synonyms
 are allowed to travel each day,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
exhausted
Replace the word
exhaust
show examples
 emissions will be relatively stable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and pollution tend to
be improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 a lot. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I truly admit that enhancing
price
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective solution, it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not should
Correct word order
should not
show examples
 be viewed as the best solution. We need to take into account multiple reasons why
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 and adopt targeted ways to address them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix many grammar errors and awkward phrases. For example, use 'Owning a car' instead of 'Owing a car', and 'public transport' instead of 'public transportation'.
structure
Make your view very clear in the intro and sum up your main point in the end.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'but', 'however', and 'and' to make the flow smoother.
content
Give more proof to your view. Use small facts or numbers or a plan to back your points.
style
Use shorter sentences to keep the meaning easy and avoid long lines.
idea
You show a clear idea that price alone is not the best fix.
content
You add more than one plan, not just one fix.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: