IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others argue that the circumstances and motivation of each crime should always be considered when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate some
people
Use synonyms
 argue
that
Correct word choice
whether
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should
Correct pronoun usage
it should
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 be divided based on a certain type of
crime
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.
While
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 others believe that we should take into consideration the
criminal
Check wording
criminal's
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 intention and what happened exactly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when setting the punishment. In my opinion,
people
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 should have justice, so that one
crime
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 would have a specific penalty
for
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. On one hand, some think that rules set up based on the outcome,
in other words
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, if the person kills someone even by accident,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 must be held accountable for
this
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, so that lets them be more scared to commit any
crime
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 in the future. For illustrate, it is commonly believed that the majority of
people
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 who spend their sentence would not do it again.
As well as
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, if they know what the sentence of the action they consider
to do
Wrong verb form
doing
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, they usually do not want to do it anymore. I agree with
this
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 statement totally,
people
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 should have access to equal justice, for the safety of citizens
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 let them believe in their governments.
On the other hand
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, others convinced that humans intentions are essential to set the sancation, sometimes
people
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 do wrong things by accident
such
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 as car crush beacuse of sick person want to get to the hospital but he fainted and that lead to two death because of him, which the court will consider him a killer, but on other words he did not meant that.
Nevertheless
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, justice is essential, but needs to be seen his motives and the circumstances of the
crime
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.
For example
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, a recent study has shown the opinion of the UK population, they are commonly believes that criminals should be given the chance to define themselves. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 do see that the court and the police men must take into consideration the intention and what happened exactly on that night , not only the outcome.

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task response
Make your introduction clearer by stating both views before giving your opinion. This helps set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader on what each part is about.
task response
Try to use examples that are more directly related to the points you make.
coherence cohesion
Correct small mistakes in spelling and grammar like 'crush' should be 'crash' and 'sancation' should be 'sanction'.
task response
You present both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
task response
You mention the importance of justice, which shows your understanding of the topic.
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