IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Most of the students want to study abroad these days.So the advantage outweigh disadvantages?

Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of pupils would like to study in foreign countries. I believe the benefits far
away
Rephrase
apply
show examples
outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 a lot of money to support a student to study abroad. The financial pressure could
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 their families
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
 bankrupt.
Also
Linking Words
, it is dangerous and irresponsible to let children stay out of the protection and supervision
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their parents.
For example
Linking Words
, plenty of criminal cases proved that some young international
students
Use synonyms
 could
involved
Verb problem
be involved
show examples
 in a crime
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might
lost
Use the right word
cost
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
them their
show examples
 lives because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lonelyness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 and
helpless
Replace the word
helplessness
show examples
 as they become aliens.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are some drawbacks which might cause tragic results that could cancel an international study plan completely.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, international learning could
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 a lot of advantages, because
this
Linking Words
 experience could build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent and strong people. They could meet different
students
Use synonyms
 from other countries and
exchanges
Correct subject-verb agreement
exchange
show examples
 their opinions
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other. So, they practice the communication skills, understand
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 perspectives, and learn how to respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others.
For instance
Linking Words
, results from studies show that
students
Use synonyms
 have a successful career after they got trained in another country. So,
although
Linking Words
 there are unpredictable risks for the
students
Use synonyms
 to live abroad alone, I think they should be positive and keep learning from everything
suround
Correct your spelling
around
 not only from the knowledge
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the textbooks. In conclusion,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are countless disadvantages to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 learner in another country, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 still believe that the advantages fully outweigh the drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Use separate paragraphs for main points to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Make sure to explain your main points more clearly. Provide more details to support your ideas.
grammar
Check your grammar and punctuation. There are some mistakes that can make your writing hard to understand.
task achievement
You expressed a clear opinion about the topic, which is important in this type of essay.
task achievement
You included personal examples, which can help to illustrate your points and engage the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: