Teenages should not be allowed to use mobile phone at school To what extent to you agree or disagree

Have you ever thought about
teenages
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teenagers
using electronic devices
at
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in
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teaching areas like schools
.
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?
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This
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topic is extremely confusing . Some
poinions
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opinions
support
this
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idea strongly.
On the other hand
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, other opinions are
against it totally
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totally against it
show examples
. On one hand, people are with the idea for many
resons
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reasons
.
First,
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studens
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students
should have
an
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apply
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access to the out
wold
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world
show examples
to avoid any
dangrous
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dangerous
situations.
For example
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, if there is a
wind
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windstorm
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stourm they can
awear
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wear
the teacher .
Secondly
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, they can talk with their
famlies
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families
to make
shure
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sure
every thing
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everything
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is good .
Also
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, using mobiles can be
usefull
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useful
in teaching
studines
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students
can have some help from the internet to solve understanding problems.
On the other hand
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, some individuals are against the idea totally for
deffrent resons
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different reasons
. First of all , they won't be
foucest
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focused
during class .
However
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, phones can
dameage
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damage
the
eais
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eyes
fast in a way they can't see.
Also
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, bad
freinds
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friends
encourage others to play games .
Furthermore
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, they can photograph
of
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apply
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teachers in the wrong way .  For me, I
do
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agree
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with the first claim . I see that it is more practical and logical . From my own point of view.
it
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It
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is more useful and effective .

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is a bit unclear and does not clearly state your opinion. Try to make it more straightforward.
coherence and cohesion
Add a clear conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. This helps to finish your essay strongly.
task achievement
Some sentences have spelling mistakes and grammar errors. Make sure to proofread your essay for these mistakes.
task achievement
Make your arguments more clear with specific examples. For instance, discussing specific situations with mobile phones could help your arguments.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.
coherence and cohesion
You attempted to explain your points, which is good for engagement in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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