IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important to everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Money
Use synonyms
 is one of the most valuable resources in our lives. Saving
money
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 is necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone, including young
people
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the reasons behind my opinion and discuss the possible benefits of saving
money
Use synonyms
 for the
future
Use synonyms
. First of all, man's
live
Replace the word
life
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 is not a bed of roses. Many uncertain situations can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
knock
at
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on
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 our door at any
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, saving
money
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 for the
future
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 gives us financial security for these unwanted situations.
People
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 often suffer from stress, anxiety
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they are
in
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apply
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empty handed
Use the right word
empty-handed
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. To manage
this
Linking Words
 situation, they have to take loans from many financial
organization
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
, which creates liability in their life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 research of
Bangladesh
Correct article usage
the Bangladesh
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 Bank in 2020 shows that almost 85%
people
Use synonyms
 take bank loans
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of savings for the
future
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 can increase
people
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's satisfaction. Young
age
Use synonyms
 is the best
time
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 for savings.
People
Use synonyms
 can earn more
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their earlier
age
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,
while
Linking Words
 their expenses
slightly
Verb problem
are slightly
show examples
low
Replace the word
lower
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the perfect
time
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 for saving. If
people
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 save
money
Use synonyms
 from their earlier
age
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, they can use it in their
crutial
Correct your spelling
critical
 situations. It reduces tension and
over pressure
Use the right word
overpressure
show examples
 during their older
age
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. They can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend their later life with financial security and satisfaction.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 it will bring harmful effects not only
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 own life but
also
Linking Words
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 family. In conclusion,
Saving
Fix capitalization
saving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is important for financial security, mental satisfaction, and social status. Young
age
Use synonyms
 is
perfect
Correct article usage
the perfect
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for savings.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, they may face several challenges
such
Linking Words
 as mental stress, anxiety, and a
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of social status.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone to save
money
Use synonyms
 for their
future
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide your reader.
task achievement
Ensure that examples directly support the main points you make in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve clarity and fluency.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and your essay presents a clear argument for saving money.
task achievement
You have identified important reasons for saving money, which makes your argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
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