IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable, and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In our contemporary life , major has been given to protect local culture . Taking into consideration the
significence
Correct your spelling
significance
 of local culture.Many
people
Use synonyms
 said
tourism
Use synonyms
 should be banned in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cities.
In addition
Linking Words
 , other
people
Use synonyms
 said banning
tourism
Use synonyms
 without any benefits . I totally advocate the point of view that
tourism
Use synonyms
 should not be banned because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
if they banned the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
will decreased
Wrong verb form
would decrease
show examples
 and there
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be political
problems
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The central discussion is that
tourism
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be banned in some cities to protect the local culture .
In other words
Linking Words
 , banning the aeras it is
mean
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 from
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 want to
viste
Correct your spelling
visit
 just for bad things ,
such
Linking Words
 as
steal
Replace the word
stealing
show examples
 or
make
Verb problem
causing
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 , so the
country
Use synonyms
disaded
Correct your spelling
decides
 to close their
aera
Correct your spelling
area
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time other
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
desided
Correct your spelling
decide
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
allowed
Verb problem
to allow
show examples
buy
Replace the word
buying
show examples
prodects
Correct your spelling
products
 from that
country
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the
economy
Use synonyms
 will
decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
 and may
happend
Correct your spelling
lead
 the political
problems
Use synonyms
 between the countries .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
accoding
Correct your spelling
according
 to several
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
and
Check wording
studies and
show examples
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 studies in the
last
Linking Words
 few years in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East,
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 have shown that the vast majority of individuals prefer
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
trousim
Correct your spelling
trousers
 should
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 banned .
Body paragraph 2
Moving on to another essential point that the other
people
Use synonyms
 said the banning
Use synonyms
trousim
Correct your spelling
trousers
 without any benefits
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 To illustrate the argument , an obvious example is the case of Australia , the
country
Use synonyms
 banning
Use synonyms
trousim
Correct your spelling
trousers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
economy
Use synonyms
 for the
country
Use synonyms
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear
Replace the word
clearly
show examples
 decreased
, after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they
openned
Correct your spelling
opened
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
condtions
Correct your spelling
conditions
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
trousim
Correct your spelling
trousers
 have to give
resonses
Correct your spelling
reasons
 why they come and for how long.
Hence
Linking Words
 , it is
conclusivly
Correct your spelling
conclusively
 clear that banning
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
 without any benefits.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
 , I totally believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 should not
banned
Verb problem
be banned
show examples
 because the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
avoid
Verb problem
helps avoid
show examples
 political
problems
Use synonyms
 . Seen in
this
Linking Words
 light , it is a good piece of advice that
Use synonyms
trousim
Correct your spelling
tourists
 should be polite in other countries.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. Make sure to state both sides clearly before giving your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas should be connected more clearly. Use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example' to improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The examples provided should be more relevant and specific. For instance, elaborate on how tourism can benefit local economies with direct examples of success.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion in your essay, which is important.
Task Achievement
Your awareness of the impact of tourism on the economy shows critical thinking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influx of tourists
  • dilute local customs
  • commercialization
  • loss of native languages
  • economic benefits
  • revenue source
  • responsible tourism
  • cultural sensitivity
  • regulated tourist limits
  • cultural heritage
  • globalization
  • case study
  • ‘High Value, Low Impact’ tourism
  • controlled tourism
  • middle-ground solution
  • infrastructure development
  • significant revenue source
  • employment generation
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