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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s competitive world, an increasing number of young individuals aim to establish their own
business
Use synonyms
 rather than pursue traditional employment.
While
Linking Words
 self-employment undoubtedly presents certain challenges. From my perspective, its advantages significantly outweigh the disadvantages. One of the primary benefits of working for
one self
Use the right word
oneself
show examples
 is the flexibility it offers. Entrepreneurs have the freedom to make and shape their work environment
according to
Linking Words
 their preferences.
This
Linking Words
 level of independence can lead to higher job satisfaction and motivation under supervision. Another notable advantage is the potential for greater financial rewards. Unlike salaried
employments
Use the right word
employees
show examples
 with fixed incomes,
business
Use synonyms
 owners can earn marked profits if their work
succeed
Correct subject-verb agreement
succeeds
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, building a
business
Use synonyms
 from scratch provides a profound sense of achievement and purpose, which many young people find fulfilling.
However
Linking Words
, self-employment is not without its drawbacks. The most considerable concern is fiscal insecurity. Many start-ups fail
due to
Linking Words
 market
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
, poor planning or lack of experience, leading to substantial monetary losses.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
business
Use synonyms
 owners often face high levels of stress, especially in the early stages when they must handle multiple responsibilities alone.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these challenges can be mitigated through proper planning, income-related literacy and professional mentorship. In fact, overcoming
such
Linking Words
 obstacles often leads to
personal-solving
Replace the word
personal problem-solving
show examples
 skills, making the journey even more rewarding. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 running a
business
Use synonyms
 involves certain
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and pressures, the benefits of independence, financial, potential and personal
fulfillment
Use the right word
fulfilment
show examples
 make it a highly appealing and worthwhile pursuit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am convinced that the advantages of working
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 oneself override the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to distinguish clearly between advantages and disadvantages in your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good range of vocabulary related to business.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
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