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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The line graph compares three museums in terms of the volume of
visitors
Use synonyms
 between June and September.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three museums experienced different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
 the count of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 and Science
Use synonyms
Museum
Fix the agreement mistake
Museums
show examples
to rise
Verb problem
rises
show examples
 gradually, the volumes in
Natural
Correct article usage
the Natural
show examples
 History
Museum
Use synonyms
 fall steadily. As the graph shows, the number of British
Museum
Use synonyms
's
visitors
Use synonyms
 started at 600
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 in
June
Punctuation problem
June,
show examples
 followed by
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase to around 730
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 in July.
Then
Linking Words
, it declined considerably until it fell to 500
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 in August.
At the end
Linking Words
, it increased significantly to 650
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
. Regarding the count of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visited
Science
Correct article usage
the Science
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
,
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the period from June to August, the total attendance
drop
Replace the word
dropped
show examples
 slightly,
whereas
Linking Words
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
the
show examples
 attendance experienced
gradually
Replace the word
gradual
show examples
 growth to 450 thousand in September.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 attendance in
Natural
Correct article usage
the Natural
show examples
 History
Museum
Use synonyms
 experienced
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline in the
4 month
Use the right word
4-month
show examples
 period. Between July and August, the volume
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 unchanged.
Then
Linking Words
, the count increased to approximately 500 thousand in August.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, thousands with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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