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Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Recently, the development of computers has provided more possibilities for individuals’ 
work
Use synonyms
 and study. Allowing whether adults or
students
Use synonyms
 to have a more advanced environment. I argue that both negative and positive should be balanced.
The remote
Correct determiner usage
Remote
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and study can lead to people’s
time
Use synonyms
 being managed flexibly. As for adults, they can save more
time
Use synonyms
 and costly transport and finish their
work
Use synonyms
 at home.
This
Linking Words
 approach enables them to pay more attention to their personal leisure
time
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
also
Linking Words
 benefits in balancing
work
Use synonyms
 and life. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, for
students
Use synonyms
, the new types of technology make it easier for them to learn various kinds of knowledge. Especially for
students
Use synonyms
 whose families cannot afford enough tuition fees. Only in
this
Linking Words
 way can those
students
Use synonyms
 attain the same educational resources.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 brings about some negative influences.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 face-to-face
work
Use synonyms
, people who
work
Use synonyms
 online are more likely to be isolated. Working on the computer left interpersonal communication behind among people, and they may not have opportunities to communicate with other colleagues.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads to their lack of social skills,
thus
Linking Words
 reducing their
work
Use synonyms
 efficiency when they cooperate.
In addition
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 do not have a strong sense of self-management, remote study would not be a better choice for them. And
students
Use synonyms
 cannot solve their academic problems immediately.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the development of computers has brought more flexibility to citizens’ daily lives, it still
holds
Verb problem
poses
show examples
 some challenges to their long-term improvement.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that finding a balance between
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 two sides is significant.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. You can improve how you explain your positive and negative points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your sentences and ideas better. Use more linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to help your reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points, like real-life stories or studies about working from home or learning online, to show that your ideas are strong and clear.
task achievement
You have identified both the positive and negative sides of working and studying from home, which is important for this task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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