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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
The pie charts illustrate the variations in terms of the usage of
energy
Use synonyms
 and the corresponding discharge of greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
 use is heating,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water heating occupies the lowest proportion in the emissions of greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
. Notably, how much
energy
Use synonyms
 each application consumes does not represent the amount of
gas
Use synonyms
 production. In the first chart, we can see that the most
energy
Use synonyms
 is allocated to heat, with 42%,
Linking Words
subsequently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water heating
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 30%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Australian
Use the right word
Australia
show examples
distribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
distributes
show examples
 the minimal resource on cooling (2%), which is
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of lighting (4%). The refrigeration and other applications take up 7% and 15%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, as to Australian household greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 discharges,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water heating
dominate
Correct subject-verb agreement
dominates
show examples
 the
gas
Use synonyms
 emission,with 32%. The second largest proportion is other applications, releasing 28% which is similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
sum
Correct article usage
the sum
show examples
 of heating (15%) and refrigeration (14%) they emit. Notably, the least
gas
Use synonyms
 emission is cooling (3%) as well.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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