IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, there is an ongoing discussion about the determinants of
success
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is argued that the achievement of our
goals
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 is predominantly determined by how lucky we are, I am in opposition to that idea and believe that hard
work
Use synonyms
,
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 attitude, and determined actions play a more crucial role when it comes to
success
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. Admittedly, people who are born
in
Change preposition
apply
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luck
Replace the word
lucky
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, either by having inherent privilege or naturally gifted skills, often experience an advantage in accomplishing their
goals
Use synonyms
 early.
For example
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, those wealthy children have access to a good academic environment and various learning opportunities, which result in better
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities and an expanded network.
Similarly
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, those who are considered prodigies, like Mozart, can have early exposure to enhance one’s skill.
However
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, fortunate
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 unpredictable and beyond one’s control,
thus
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can lead to different setbacks if a person only relies on luck.
In contrast
Linking Words
, hard
work
Use synonyms
 provides a more reliable and controllable path to achieving
goals
Use synonyms
. Like Steve Jobs, despite facing drawbacks and failures, including being fired from Apple, he persevered by creating groundbreaking products, which helped him to his later
success
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the majority of the “rags-to-riches” stories revolved
in
Change preposition
around
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 the premise of perseverance and dedication. These individuals
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 their own strength and put in sustained effort to build
success
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 and
maximize
Use the right word
maximise
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 their opportunity to meet their
goals
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. In essence,
while
Linking Words
 acknowledging the role of luck, it is generally advisable to focus on hard
work
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 as the vital driver of
success
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. It provides a foundation for progress, prepares you for opportunities, and improves your
possibility
Check wording
chances
show examples
 of attaining
success
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Make your ideas deeper with more than one example for each point.
Lexical Resource
Use more everyday word and less long word to keep it easy to read.
Coherence
Link ideas with clear, simple links so flow is easy.
Grammar
Check small mistakes and keep verb and form steady.
Position
Clear view that luck is not the main factor.
Structure
Good structure with three parts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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