IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed To what extend di you agree

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, every parent
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 their
child
Use synonyms
 to be successful
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
 the parameters of
success
Use synonyms
 can vary
according to
Linking Words
 their perspective.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they want their kids to follow their built path to achieve the desired goals. Indeed, I strongly favour
this
Linking Words
 notion that
parents
Use synonyms
pressurize
Use the right word
pressurise
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 a lot to overcome life. The primary predominant reason behind supporting
this
Linking Words
 statement is
selection
Correct article usage
the selection
show examples
 of school subjects by
parents
Use synonyms
. There is
denying
Rephrase
no denying
show examples
 that guardians pressure their
child
Use synonyms
 to study in the courses that they think can help in getting a good job.
This
Linking Words
 is not even a bad act
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it can become worse if
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 had no other option.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is seen that most of the students want to pursue in
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
 field
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 want them to continue with the family business
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
does not have
Verb problem
has
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
 relation to music.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 put responsibility on
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Use the right word
an
show examples
 early age. It is commonly seen in
middle class
Use the right word
middle-class
show examples
 households that elders transfer all their financial
pros
Check wording
resources
show examples
 and cons to their
children
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
adolescent
Check wording
age
show examples
 and somewhat impose the wishes of a
Use synonyms
child
Check wording
child's
show examples
 achievement to escape from
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 circumstances of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Asian countries, guardians
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
apply
show examples
discuss the family worries with
children
Use synonyms
 so that
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 will get inspiration for
getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 do
pressurize
Use the right word
pressurise
show examples
 their
child
Use synonyms
 to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
either
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
 by imposing their choices on them or putting the family burden on their shoulders.
However
Linking Words
, very few
parents
Use synonyms
 allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to choose their own way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
success
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, everyone should get a chance to chase their dreams and accomplish whatever they like
instead
Linking Words
 of achieving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldly
success
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it through the essay.
language use
Use short, simple sentences. Do not run on with long lines.
coherence
Use linking words to show how points fit. For example: and, but, so, also, for example.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use correct plural and verb forms (parents, child/children).
structure
Plan the paragrhs: one idea in each paragraph and a clear topic sentence.
planning
Give one strong example and explain it.
task response
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
coherence
Examples are used to back up the idea.
structure
There is a short ending that restates the view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
What to do next:
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