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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Malborne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Malborne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020
The graph illustrates the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in five different activities at
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 in
Melbourn
Use the right word
Melbourne
show examples
, Australia
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a gradual
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in musical performance in 2005.
In addition
Linking Words
, the most popular activities were
Correct article usage
the
show examples
film club ,
while
Linking Words
 table tennis became
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unpopular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2000. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a
fluctuate
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 over 20 years
later
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. There
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 decrease in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
amateur
Change preposition
in amateur
show examples
dramatic
Use the right word
dramatics
show examples
 until 2020. First and foremost, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who participated in musical
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
 began to rise gradually in 2005 to reach approximately 20 in 2020.
In addition
Linking Words
, the maximum
number
Use synonyms
 of people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 about 64 in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club in 2000 and stayed the max
number
Use synonyms
 less than 70
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020. In spite of the minimum
number
Use synonyms
 in unpopular activity
about
Punctuation problem
, about
show examples
 15 in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 in table tennis turned to rose sharply from 2010
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2020 to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
over 50
participate
Replace the word
participants
show examples
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
will
Use the right word
well
show examples
 as the second popular activity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there were 35
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 between decrease and increase until 2020.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , by 2000 the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
amateur
Change preposition
in amateur
show examples
dramatic rise
Replace the word
drama rose
show examples
 from 36 to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
30 in 2005
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 sharply to be over 10
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 activity became less popular in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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