IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many children today suffer from obesity. This is a serious health issue which has serious future consequences. Give the reasons responsible for child obesity and offer solutions to solve this problem.

The world has changed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that includes the eating habits of
children
Use synonyms
. Today
many
Punctuation problem
, many
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children
Use synonyms
 suffer from being overweight.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious social issue which threatens the future
health
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
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However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are many available strategies to help fight
this
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 problem.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons responsible for child obesity and offer solutions to solve
this
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 problem. On one hand ,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are many major reasons
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 and
creat
Use the right word
create
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems .
Firstly
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, Social media is a trendy
tools
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
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 for
overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
show examples
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
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for
children
Use synonyms
 who use it
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
For example
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 ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 photos that compost of red and yellow
Use the right word
colours
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color
Punctuation problem
color,
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as
Change preposition
like
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Macdonals
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
logo
Punctuation problem
logo,
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 can
atractre
Correct your spelling
attract
children
Use synonyms
 to
bay
Use the right word
buy
show examples
 the meal easily
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
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, Emotional effects
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a faster way to eat too much.
This
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 means that when
children
Use synonyms
thing
Use the right word
think
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 too much and
Verb problem
are angry
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angry
Punctuation problem
angry,
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 they tend to eat faster without thinking about the
wight
Use the right word
weight
show examples
 and
health
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that can increase the
vale
Use the right word
value
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, glucose and pressure .
Finally
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, Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a worse
king
Use the right word
kind
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 . Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is poor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 vitamins . It can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 infection
due to
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food
Use synonyms
poising
Use the right word
poisoning
show examples
 and bad storage . On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand ,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are several solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 make a change to
health
Use synonyms
 and to
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 . First , watching a
usefal programms
Correct your spelling
useful program
 can
engorege
Correct your spelling
encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to follow them .
For example
Linking Words
, Banana cartoons
one
Verb problem
is one
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 of the
usefal programm
Correct your spelling
useful programs
than
Correct word choice
that
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 talk about the
benefat
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
banana
Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
show examples
Punctuation problem
, includinh
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includinh
Correct your spelling
including
yellow
Correct article usage
the yellow
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 dress .
Morovere
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, Trendy Sports are the best way to make the
body
Use synonyms
 healthy and happy. For illustrate, African
dans
Correct your spelling
dance
 is one of the most
famos
Correct your spelling
famous
 sport that help
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose
wight
Use the right word
weight
show examples
 with a
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 feeling .
Finally
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,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle is a
beast
Use the right word
best
show examples
 solution to have a healthy
body
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , they can eat
honye
Correct your spelling
honey
in sted
Use the right word
instead
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 of
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 and they can eat salad
in stade
Use the right word
instead
show examples
 of cake In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 there are multiple reasons that contribute to
children
Use synonyms
 being overweight.
However
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, there are many solutions available to help these
children
Use synonyms
 deal with
this
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.

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language
The essay has many spelling and grammar mistakes that make it hard to read. It also sticks to simple ideas but does not show full development of points.
structure
Plan the essay before you write. Use four parts: intro, 2-3 body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
development
Give one clear idea in each paragraph. Add simple, real examples that link to the idea.
language
Check spellings and use short, plain sentences to keep the flow steady.
content
The writer tries to give a place about causes and ways to fix the problem.
structure
There is an opening and a closing line in the essay.
content
Some ideas are touched and there are hints of examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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