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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
The aforementioned diagrams illustrate the causes and effects of poor agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 during the 1990s. The areas being compared are North America, Europe and Oceania.
Overall
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, it can be seen that the main cause of worldwide
land
Use synonyms
 degradation is over-grazing, which contributes by 35%. Oceania follows
this
Linking Words
 pattern the most, as it contributes to
this
Linking Words
 issue by 11.3% and North America contributes to
this
Linking Words
 the least, by only 1.5%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the least common causes are others aside from over-grazing, over-cultivation and deforestation. Deforestation contributes by 30% and over-cultivation by 28%.
Moreover
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, it is evident that Europe degrades the most
land
Use synonyms
 (23%), followed by Oceania (13%),
then
Linking Words
 North America (5%). The first region mainly destroys the farmland by over-cultivating, which contributes by 3.3%.
However
Linking Words
, it barely cuts down trees (0.2%).
On the other hand
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,
this
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 is the opposite for the second area. It cuts down a lot of trees, which contributes by 9.8% to deforestation. It only uses 5.5% of its farmland for feeding its animals, which is considered low.
Lastly
Linking Words
, for the third region. It does not cultivate its
land
Use synonyms
 at all, but it
over-grazes
Use the right word
overgrazes
show examples
 its
land
Use synonyms
 vastly as opposed to the other areas. It contributes to 11.3% of the total
land
Use synonyms
 degradation.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Agricultural productivity
  • Deforestation
  • Over-cultivation
  • Overgrazing
  • Soil erosion
  • Nutrient depletion
  • Land degradation
  • Soil compaction
  • Fertility
  • Preventive measures
  • Sustainable farming practices
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic implications
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