IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some believe that when
people
Use synonyms
 compete at the workplace, school and in everyday life is a positive idea, which
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their salaries. I concur that
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 together
further
Linking Words
 because that will help them to remain healthy and create trust between each other.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the competition at
work
Use synonyms
, school and in daily activities would develop
people
Use synonyms
’s
work
Use synonyms
 because when the workers compete against each other, they will put a lot of energy into producing high-quality
work
Use synonyms
, which will
increase
Use synonyms
 their earnings by helping their workplaces' quality.
For example
Linking Words
, in Starbucks, the employees compete at their
work
Use synonyms
 to gain a good rate from customers, which helps them to gain scores and
increase
Use synonyms
 their salaries. The competition can be great sometimes, but that might affect
people
Use synonyms
’s mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of competing against each other,
people
Use synonyms
 should cooperate more because that will protect their mental
health
Use synonyms
 and trust others. When
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 as one, it will make them relax and more confident in their
work
Use synonyms
, and make a good relationship with other
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, students at Harvard University
work
Use synonyms
 as groups to make high-quality assignments because they trust each other's ideas, and they are in good
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, competition may help workers to have a passion for their
work
Use synonyms
, which helps them
increase
Use synonyms
 their salaries, as Starbucks employees.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 together to protect their mental
health
Use synonyms
 and have confidence in each other, which develops their
work
Use synonyms
 skills,
such
Linking Words
 as Harvard students when they
work
Use synonyms
 as groups to create high-quality assignments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Plan the essay with clear parts: intro, 2 or 3 body parts, and a short conclusion. State your view at the end.
coherence
content
Give full and clear proof for each idea. Show why the view matters and how it helps.
content
The essay shows a clear view that cooperation can be good.
structure
There is an attempt to give examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: