IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Band 8+: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, in the majority of countries
education
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, education
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centers
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centres
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 are struggling with
missbehaviouring
Correct your spelling
misbehaviour
 of their students.
This
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 essay will explain
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 behind
this
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 problem and provide possible solutions. There are various reasons why pupils at school disrespect their classmates and teachers. One of the main causes of it
,
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apply
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is that
parents
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 do not give enough
attention
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 to their
kids
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.Lack of parental
attention
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 may
develop
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lead to
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 depression at
early
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an early
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 age.Which might cause children growing up
by being
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to be
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agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 to
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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. They do not listen to their teachers
nor
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or
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 to their
parents
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, they become ruder and more disrespectful. Another reason
of
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for
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this
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 can be
electronic
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the electronic
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 gadgets
,
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apply
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 they use. In today's world, the growing number of toddlers and students are dependent on their
ipads
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iPads
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,computers or mobile phones. They can watch videos or play games with
contribution
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contributions
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 of violence.
Watcing
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Watching
 videos and playing games which contribute
violence
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to violence
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,abuse
and
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, and
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agression
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aggression
 may negatively impact
on
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apply
show examples
their mental wellbeing. And each
pasing
Correct your spelling
passing
 day
students
Punctuation problem
, students
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 want to become like their idols. They will start acting like those characters
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and repeat after them. The first step to deal with
this
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 problem is,
parents
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 should increase the
attention
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 they give to their
kids
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. They should increase the time they spend with their children.
This
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 will build
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 bond between
parents
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 and
kids
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.Another possible solution is that
,
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apply
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parents
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 should monitor the screen time and what type of videos or games their babies are interested in.
This
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 step can be helpful for adults to understand
their
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 better.
To conclude
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,there are different things that
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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kids
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 problems with their behaviour.To deal with
problems
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problems,
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parents
Use synonyms
 should be more careful and give sufficient
attention
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.

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structure
Use clear paragraphs and put one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short intro, then causes, then fixes, then a short end.
cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words like first, then, also, but. Show how points go together.
development
Explain each cause with a short detail or example. Then give a clear fix for each problem.
overview
Essay has a clear plan with causes and fixes.
cohesion
Some linking words are used to show order.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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