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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts beloww give information on the location and types of dance

the charts beloww give information on the location and types of dance
The pie charts
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 information concerning the proportion of
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 where
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are held
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the bar chart illustrates
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 combined
ballet
Change preposition
with ballet
show examples
, tap and modern. The data can be
categorized
Use the right word
categorised
show examples
 into community
halls
Use synonyms
, private
studios
Use synonyms
, school
halls
Use synonyms
 and college
studios
Use synonyms
 for the pie graph ,and
under11
Correct your spelling
under 11
 and 11-16 for the bar chart.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that private
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Use synonyms
dance
Rephrase
where dance
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 most.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the least is college
studios
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 ballet is the most famous
Use synonyms
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people under 11 join
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the modern which people from 11-16 attend
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
overall least
Correct word order
least overall
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
classes
Use synonyms
 are held at the privet
studios
Use synonyms
 most, at 48%. The community
halls
Use synonyms
 and school
halls
Use synonyms
 have nearly
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
 percentages
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 were 18% and 24%, respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the place that
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 is college
studios
Use synonyms
only
Punctuation problem
, only
show examples
 10%. Moving to the types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, the ballet class is the most popular class which combine with 600 people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
under 11 and 300
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
-16 group. Meanwhile, the tap class is famous for both ages
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 approximately 450 students who
under
Verb problem
are under
show examples
 11 and 400 for the others.
However
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 type has 11-16
jointed
Replace the word
joints
show examples
 most at more than 500 students and 300 for under 11.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, halls, studios with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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