IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People born in rural areas move to big cities when they become adult. What are the reasons for this? Is this positive trend or negative trend?

There has been an increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 born in rural areas, moving to the big
cities
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 after becoming adults
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 a better future. Some
people
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 think it is a positive step,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 consider it to be negative. I believe that the positive side outweighs the negative side in
this
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 matter, and I will explain my point in
this
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 essay. To commence with,
people
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 move out of the rural areas to the cosmopolitan
cities
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, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 them to
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
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 in the programmes
,
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apply
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 that they desire to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their
career
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 in.
For instance
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, if a person dreams of becoming a medical practitioner, they might have to relocate to a big city
such
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 as Toronto or Vancouver, where there is availability of the courses they want to study
in
Change preposition
apply
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.
Such
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cities
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also
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 offer them diverse options to practice and expand their
career
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 ,as with the increase in development, job opportunities
also
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increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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. Another positive aspect of moving to a big city is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it offers a better quality of life, and more exposure to the educational facilities
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thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
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,
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apply
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 offering
a
Correct article usage
apply
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broader
career
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aspects
Check wording
opportunities
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.
For example
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, a person from a remote village would like to relocate to Melbourne, not only because it has top world-class universities, but
also
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 because there are various multinational companies, which can offer them better job opportunities.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that moving to a big city is a positive step towards building a better life, because it will offer extensive
chances
Check wording
opportunities
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 to an individual to attain
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 education, and
hence
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 get a better job.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas should be encouraged to move out
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and find their
career
Use synonyms
 paths in developed
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task
Make the task view more balanced by showing both sides. Add a short paragraph to explain the possible negative effects before the conclusion.
task
State a clear view in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion. Use a simple, direct thesis.
task
Develop ideas in full: give one or two clear examples for each reason.
coherence
Use short, simple sentences. Check punctuation to avoid run-on.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and finish with a short closing line.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and cause, like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'for this reason'.
introduction
Clear choice of view and a strong opening sentence
content
Use of specific city names and examples
structure
Conclusion restates the main idea

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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