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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The education of
children
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 as responsible members of society has sparked considerable debate regarding the roles of
parents
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 and
schools
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.
While
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 some advocate for the primary responsibility of
parents
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 in instilling societal values, others assert that educational institutions are more suitably equipped to guide
children
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 in understanding their social responsibilities.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. Proponents of parental involvement argue that
parents
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 are the first educators in a child's life and have an intimate understanding of their individual needs and values. From an early age,
parents
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 model
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 and attitudes that profoundly influence their offspring.
For instance
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,
children
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 who witness their
parents
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 engage in altruistic
behavior
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behaviour
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—
such
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 as volunteering or helping
neighbors
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neighbours
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—are more likely to adopt similar
behaviors
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behaviours
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 themselves.
Furthermore
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, the home environment serves as a crucial context in which fundamental life skills,
such
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 as empathy and cooperation, can be nurtured.
Therefore
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, parental guidance is seen as indispensable in shaping well-rounded individuals who embody societal virtues.
Conversely
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, advocates for school-based education
emphasize
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emphasise
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 the structured and diversified environment that educational institutions provide.
Schools
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 bring together
children
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 from various backgrounds, offering a unique opportunity for social learning and cultural exchange.
This
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 exposure helps
children
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 develop an understanding and appreciation for diversity, which is essential in today’s
globalized
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globalised
show examples
 society.
Additionally
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, formal education can impart crucial civic knowledge through curricula designed to teach students about their rights and responsibilities as citizens.
For example
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, programs that focus on social justice or community service can significantly enhance students' understanding of societal dynamics.
Therefore
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, it can be argued that
schools
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 are pivotal in reinforcing the lessons imparted at home and providing a structured framework for social development. In conclusion,
while
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 both
parents
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 and educational institutions play vital roles in teaching
children
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 about their responsibilities as members of society, I contend that a collaborative approach yields the most effective results. Parental influence is essential for instilling core values, yet
schools
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 provide the necessary environment for
children
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 to apply and expand upon these teachings in a broader social context. Ultimately, a synergy between home and school can cultivate a generation of conscientious and socially responsible individuals

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task response
Your view is clear and steady. Start the main idea in the first paragraph so readers see your view fast.
task response
Show more on how home and school work as a team with real acts and more detail in ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link words and flow could be smoother. Use simple joins like also, but, but.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are long. Break long ideas into two small lines to help the reader follow.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each main idea to show you can use facts.
task response
Clear view on both sides and strong final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of examples like volunteering to show values.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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