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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows a typical American and a Japanese office. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows a typical American and a Japanese office. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates the general layout for offices in America and Japan.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
office
Use synonyms
 in Japan provides three main areas where people can have discussions with others
;
Punctuation problem
,
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while
Linking Words
 in the USA
office
Use synonyms
 as desks for employees are situated in the middle
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 gives multiple spots for people to walk and chat with their colleagues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a typical Japanese
office
Use synonyms
 has a workstation for the department manager.
Moreover
Linking Words
, under the
manager
Punctuation problem
manager,
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 they have two separate desks for section
managers
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 and under
them
Add a comma
them,
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 they have space for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the staff members.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a typical American
office
Use synonyms
 has windows on both sides for ventilation.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they have three main offices for various
managers
Use synonyms
 on the right side
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as section
managers
Use synonyms
 and department
managers
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, on the left
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 many facilities and rooms are located
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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printer
Correct article usage
a printer
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copier
Punctuation problem
, copier
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, storage and conference rooms.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the centre
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
tables
Punctuation problem
, tables
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 are arranged for people to sit and work.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words office, managers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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