IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

chart shows proportion people inUK survey carried out i three different years who said they were interested in sports.

chart shows proportion people inUK survey carried out i three different years who said they were interested in sports.
The given bar graph illustrates
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of UK residents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 participated in sports and leisure activities in three different years( 1995, 2000, 2005). The unit
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 measurement is expressed in terms of percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, a glance at the bar chart suggests
evidently
Rephrase
apply
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that the UK demographics were most interested in football,
whereas
Linking Words
 their least
favorite
Use the right word
favourite
show examples
 activity was golf throughout all the years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005, football was quite popular
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 a percentage of about 45. Swimming and rugby stood at the same level of about 28%. Nearly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 23% and 22% of people opted for snooker and tennis
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the least popular sport was golf
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 stayed at 16%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the following years in 2000 and 1995 executed a similar trend
, approximately
Verb problem
was observed, approximately
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 42% and 41% of the citizens opted
football
Change preposition
for football
show examples
,
simultaneously
Rephrase
respectively
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 swimming remained quite popular with 28% in 2000, it dramatically dipped in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995
at
Change preposition
to
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 22%. 24% people played rugby in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995,
while
Linking Words
 about 18% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2000. It is observed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 30% people preferred snooker in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 21% in 2000. Meanwhile, when it came to tennis, about 28% and 22% opted in 2000 and 1995,
Linking Words
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
accordingly
Punctuation problem
accordingly,
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 as opposed to golf, which
remaned
Correct your spelling
remained
 the least
favorite
Use the right word
favourite
show examples
, 18% and 15% preferred in 2000 and 1995, respectively

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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