IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses?

In recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
 have decided to reduce or stop flying, which has sparked a debate regarding whether the environmental advantages of
this
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 development
overshadow
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks for individuals and businesses.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before coming to a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, aviation contributes significantly to carbon and greenhouse gas emissions.
This
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 has led to an increase in pollution and climate change. If the number of flights taken per year is reduced, there would be fewer toxic gases released into the atmosphere.
This
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 would lead to less pollution and a cleaner atmosphere.
Moreover
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, if more land transport is used compared to air transport, carbon footprints can be reduced. If
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
trains
Use synonyms
instead
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 of
planes
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, there would be lower negative impacts on the environment.
For instance
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, in the UK,
people
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use
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 tubes or trams to travel in the city and
trains
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 to travel between countries,
such
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 as from England to Scotland.
Trains
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 usually have much lower emissions per passenger, as opposed to
planes
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.
This
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 increase in the
use
Use synonyms
 of
trains
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 has led to lower negative impacts on the environment.
In contrast
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, flights can carry a large number of passengers and cargo at once. If
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 fewer
planes
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 and switch to other modes that carry fewer passengers, it could lead to increased pollution, as more trips need to be made.
Furthermore
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, using fewer
planes
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 would mean that businesses will struggle when travelling to another country for a meeting or a business trip. To solve
this
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 issue, firms can host online meetings with clients
instead
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 of meeting in person. In a nutshell, the environmental benefits of flying less outweigh the drawbacks. The reduction in carbon emissions and the promotion of sustainable transport options are crucial steps towards combating climate change. As
such
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, individuals and businesses should continue to explore and adopt more environmentally friendly alternatives to air travel.

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content
Fix the wrong idea that fewer planes would raise pollu­tion because more trips are needed. Show that fewer trips mean less pollution and keep this point clear.
content
Give more proof for both sides. Use more real facts or simple data. The UK train example is good but add more.
structure
Use a clear plan: intro, 1 paragraph for 'for', 1 paragraph for 'against', 1 paragraph for your view, and a short end.
language
Keep language simple. Check for small errors and avoid big repeats.
conclusion
Make the end line strong and tie it to the opening plan.
strength
Clear overall view and a plan in intro.
strength
Good use of linking words that guide reader.
strength
Uses real example (UK trains) to back points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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