IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

IELTS 12 - Test 6 - At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Demography is one of the crucial indicators for the
society
Check wording
society's
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 future. But not only number of children matter, but and ratio between adults and adolescents
have
Wrong verb form
also has
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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significance.
High
Correct article usage
A high
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 fraction of young adults in the population can be both positive and negative factors for the country. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will consider
arguments
Correct article usage
the arguments
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 of both
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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points of view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we will discuss
benevolent
Correct article usage
the benevolent
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 moments of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
teenager
Check wording
apply
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number. The most obvious argument is that children are future actors in the
labor
Use the right word
labour
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market
Punctuation problem
market,
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hence
Linking Words
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 will
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to produce more goods and services.
Thus
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, to
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to
Change preposition
by
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 the moment of adulthood, society will have
got
Verb problem
apply
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more civil specialists, military forces and conventional workers. And
also
Linking Words
, adolescents are
quite
Correct article usage
a quite
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 solvent people group and come up with many new
ideas
Punctuation problem
ideas,
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therefore
Linking Words
 it
accelerate
Correct subject-verb agreement
accelerates
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 the economy and
invent
Correct subject-verb agreement
invents
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 new ideological ways for the government. And
also
Linking Words
, in numerous
child
Check wording
apply
show examples
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 are more competition
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
show examples
Punctuation problem
, it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 will
have
Verb problem
be
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 more outstanding scientists and
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, it is important to point
the
Change preposition
out the
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 problems
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
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 situation.
if
Fix capitalization
If
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 the government cannot create workplaces,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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joblessness will cause a political crisis.
For example
Linking Words
, the numerous
mob
Fix the agreement mistake
mobs
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 of
ideological
Replace the word
ideologically
show examples
 charged young adults without
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 will go out in the protests
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause a revolution or political instability. In any case, the new generation will exert too much political sway. One more factor, usually countries strive to automate
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 production.
Additionally
Linking Words
, right now AI-revolution is ruthlessly
destroing
Correct your spelling
destroying
 workplaces and even some professions. We cannot
garant
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 children that they will grow successful members of society because we don't know which
specialties
Use the right word
specialities
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 will be in demand in the future.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I opine that it is a positive situation only for
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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 countries with an enlightened government because only they can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 challenge and will
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to extract benefits.

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planning
Plan before you write. Use a clear intro, say the main view, and end with a short conclusion.
grammar
Fix grammar. Use simple, common word order. Check errors like 'for the moment of adulthood' and 'adolescents' usage.
structure
State both good and bad points with clear link words like 'but', 'however', 'also', and 'so'.
content
Give small and clear examples that fit the idea. Do not go far from the point.
structure
You try to cover both sides of the topic.
content
You end with a 'to sum up' line that shows a view.
coherence
You use 'Firstly' to start a point and some link words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • energy
  • innovation
  • economy
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • adaptable
  • learn
  • culture
  • society
  • tourists
  • downside
  • unemployment
  • resources
  • education
  • housing
  • healthcare
  • government
  • budget
  • skills
  • migrate
  • opportunities
  • demographic
  • problem
What to do next:
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