IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of separate rooms for work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, separate rooms in
offices
Use synonyms
 have been largely replaced by
open-plan
Use synonyms
 workplaces.
Although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 modern designs have certain drawbacks, I believe their advantages strongly outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
with,
show examples
 the drawbacks,
employees
Use synonyms
 are often more easily distracted in
open-plan
Use synonyms
offices
Use synonyms
 because of coworkers’ conversations, ringing phones, and other interruptions.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may need more time to complete tasks, which can reduce
overall
Linking Words
 productivity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some people require privacy in order to concentrate fully. In
open-plan
Use synonyms
 environments, it is easy to see colleagues’ computer screens, which may cause discomfort and loss of focus, as workers must remain aware that others can observe them.
In contrast
Linking Words
, private
offices
Use synonyms
 allow
employees
Use synonyms
 to work without fear of being watched, enabling them to manage their tasks without
such
Linking Words
 interruptions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
open-plan
Use synonyms
offices
Use synonyms
 can create a more collaborative atmosphere. Observing colleagues’ approaches and problem-solving methods may inspire others to try new ideas and improve teamwork.
In addition
Linking Words
, shared spaces reduce the likelihood of unethical behaviour
such
Linking Words
 as wasting time,
unauthorized
Use the right word
unauthorised
show examples
 data transfer, or avoiding responsibilities, since
employees
Use synonyms
 are more visible to one another.
For example
Linking Words
, many companies have designated break times when staff can rest, eat, and use their phones,
while
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 activities are prohibited during working hours.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if someone engages in personal activities at the wrong time,
this
Linking Words
 can be noticed and addressed immediately in an
open-plan
Use synonyms
 setting. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 private
offices
Use synonyms
 provide greater privacy for
employees
Use synonyms
, I believe
open-plan
Use synonyms
 workplaces promote stronger collaboration, higher accountability, and a greater sense of belonging among colleagues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, state your view clearly in the first lines and again at the end. Add more strong reasons and examples to back each point.
coherence
For coherence, plan the essay so one idea goes in one paragraph. Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
grammar
Watch small grammar and spelling mistakes. Use punctuation well and keep sentences short when you can.
stance
Clear stance that open plan has good points.
structure
Good job to use both sides before showing your own view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • flexibility
  • cost-effective
  • creativity
  • transparency
  • environment
  • productivity
  • communication
  • team dynamics
  • diversity
  • innovation
  • open-plan
  • distractions
  • privacy
  • noise levels
What to do next:
Look at other essays: