IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people they spend large part of their free time using smartphones What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the modern era, smartphones have become an almost constant companion for many individuals, particularly during their free
time
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.
While
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 these devices offer convenience and entertainment, I argue that their overuse in leisure hours is a negative development. Excessive reliance on smartphones not only fosters laziness and reduces productivity
,
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apply
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 but
it
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can
also
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 diminish cognitive abilities, including focus and concentration.
To begin
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 with, prolonged smartphone use often encourages a sedentary lifestyle and unproductive habits. Many people spend hours lying in bed or sitting idly, scrolling through social media or entertainment apps, rather than engaging in activities that stimulate the mind or body.
This
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 lack of mental engagement can lead to what some describe as “brain rot,” a decline in cognitive sharpness. A recent experiment demonstrated
this
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 effect
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 two participants studied the same material for an identical period, yet only one used a smartphone during the break. Upon resuming, the individual who avoided phone use exhibited greater focus and higher productivity than the other. Another contributing factor to
this
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 overuse is the absence of meaningful hobbies. Surveys indicate that more than half of adults do not engage in any personal hobbies, often perceiving them as a waste of
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.
As a result
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, free
time
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 is frequently filled with passive digital consumption, which reinforces boredom rather than alleviating it.
This
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 cycle prevents the development of skills, creativity, and personal growth. In conclusion, the habitual use of smartphones in leisure
time
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 can significantly impair both productivity and mental acuity. To counteract these effects, individuals should limit screen
time
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 and cultivate hobbies that challenge their minds and bodies. By doing so, free
time
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 can become an opportunity for enrichment rather than mere distraction.

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task response
The essay has a clear view but needs a stronger link between ideas. Add more facts or data to back up claims and show more balance.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with clearer topic sentences and linking words. Simple sentences help flow.
strength
Clear stance on the topic and a firm end.
structure
Well-structured with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Gives examples and reasons to support view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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