IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people they spend large part of their free time using smartphones What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Spending most of the leisure
time
Use synonyms
 on phone usage is common among many individuals. In my opinion, there are numerous causes behind
this
Linking Words
,
such
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 as
people
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 choosing to live alone these days
due to
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 their careers and better job opportunities. Another reason for
that is
Linking Words
 the overavailability of various social media applications, which, in perspective, is negatively impacting society. Admittedly,
due to
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 careers and better work opportunities, the masses are leaving their houses and settling abroad, which
consequently
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 leads to spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on their electronic gadgets
instead
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 of talking or visiting anyone.
For example
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, most youngsters in Asian countries move abroad or move to other cities either for higher education or to get high-salaried occupations.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of applications getting launched every day, by which individuals are fascinated and completely glued to screens to try the latest things.
For instance
Linking Words
, Instagram has recently introduced a feature in which
people
Use synonyms
 can scroll through reels, which later on is seen on YouTube too, in the form of shorts, taking up the
time
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 of the masses, resulting affecting
badly
Replace the word
bad
show examples
on
Check wording
effects on
show examples
 their precious
health
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.
As a result
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, better opportunities and regular upgradation in the applications and
phones
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 are the major reasons for spending most
people
Use synonyms
's free
time
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 on them. Considering the
time
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 spent by
people
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 on their mobile
phones
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, there are some negative effects
people
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 face,
such
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 as
health
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 issues.
Likewise
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, the major reason for obesity is a sedentary lifestyle, which has been caused by the overuse of electronic devices. To exemplify, even adolescents these days are facing the problem of obesity and higher blood pressure, proven by most research,
due to
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 their interests in using
phones
Use synonyms
instead
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 of taking part in sports. Another vast impact of the overuse of smartphones is majority of old-aged
people
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 are getting neglected in these modern times; they are facing loneliness as the whole
time
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 of young ones is invested either in working or using the
phones
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, which results in avoiding their grandparents or parents.
Therefore
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, their mental
health
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 is being affected poorly. In conclusion, upgrading lifestyles leads to an update in technology, which has fascinated the masses, which is the major cause of the increasing usage of smart devices in free
time
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, resulting in affecting their
health
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 badly. So,
this
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 is considered a negative progression for the whole world.

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structure
Plan before you write. Make a simple plan of the ideas and how you will show them.
content
Give more proof for your idea. Add clear facts or small proof for each point.
coherence
Use simple link words to join your ideas, like first, also, but, so.
structure
Make each paragraph start with a clear sentence that states the main idea.
language
Keep sentences short and easy. Check long sentence and fix.
conclusion
End with a short restate of your view.
content
Your view is clear and you say the result is bad.
content
You give some real examples about apps and health.
structure
The idea moves from cause to effect in a simple flow.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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