Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.

In our modern life, overweight is a common problem among many
chlidren
Correct your spelling
children
and teenagers. In my opinion, the sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy foods are the main
reasones
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reasons
.
However
Linking Words
, parents and
schools
Use synonyms
can address
this
Linking Words
issue
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by taking some measures.
To begin
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with,
recently technology
Replace the word
recent technological
show examples
advancement
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advancements
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
as computer
games
Punctuation problem
games,
show examples
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
to a sedentary lifestyle, particularly among teenagers and
children
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. It is undeniable that,
appearence
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appearance
of these games has completely changed the
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
pasttime
Correct your spelling
pastime
activities. Indeed, in the past,
children
Use synonyms
involved
Verb problem
were involved
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor group sports,
while
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nowadays they just
sitdown
Use the right word
sit down
show examples
and play
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
online platforms, which in turn
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
obesity
Use synonyms
problems.
Moreover
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,
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
diet is another factor
contributes
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
to
overweight
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the overweight
show examples
issue
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.
According to
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provided
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the provided
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statistics by
WHO
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the WHO
show examples
Institiue
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Institute
, approximately 45% of
obesity
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problems
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
related to
children
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those
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apply
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who eat often
fastfoods
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fast food
, especially pizza.
Thus
Linking Words
, the change in the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
and their food habits are the main factors
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
regrad
Correct your spelling
regard
to
Use synonyms
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
show examples
problem. To address
this
Linking Words
, parents and
schools
Use synonyms
can play a crucial role
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
possible
sulotions
Correct your spelling
solutions
.
Linking Words
FIrst
Fix capitalization
First
show examples
,
schools
Use synonyms
should organise some outdoor events,
such
Linking Words
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
competition, to provide an enjoyable
atmosphare
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atmosphere
that can encourage
children
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and
teenages
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teenagers
to do some outdoor exercises.
Secandely
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Secondly
,
paretnts
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parents
not only should cook healthy food at home, but
olso
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also
they must
impelement
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implement
strict
regular
Check wording
rules
show examples
in order to control
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children
Check wording
children's
show examples
diet in and out of home.
For instance
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,
children
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should not be allowed to eat pizza more than once a week, and it can be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
easily by their weekly budget. In conclusion,
unforetunately
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
,
taday
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today
obesity
Use synonyms
is a growing
issue
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between
Change preposition
among
show examples
children
Use synonyms
and teenagers. Sedentary lifestyle and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad food
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
are the main reasons,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
some measures can be taken by
schools
Use synonyms
and parents to
mitigat
Correct your spelling
mitigate
the
issue
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Fix many spelling and form errors to make reading easy.
organization
Have a clear intro and a clear last part (conclusion).
structure
Use a separate paragraph for causes and a separate one for solutions.
coherence
Use simple linking words like first, then, next, finally to show ideas go in order.
content
Give more detail and an example for each cause and each solution.
lexical
Keep to common words; avoid words beyond the top 100 if you can.
content
The topic is clear and you say what you will discuss.
content
There are some real ideas like outdoor play and diet changes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Screen time
  • Balanced diet
  • Nutrients
  • Physical education
  • Parental influence
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional stress
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Health awareness
  • Fast food industry
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