IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The family has a great influence on children development but the influence from outside the home play bigger part in children's likes. do you agree or disagree?

THERE HAS BEEN A GREAT UPSURGE IN
CHILD
Use synonyms
 CARE AND SOME
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ARGUE THAT FAMILY HAS
Correct article usage
A
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GOOD IMPACT ON
CHILD
Use synonyms
 DEVELOPMENT,
WHILE
Linking Words
 OTHER SAYS
TAHT
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THAT
 PEER HAS A GREAT
INFULANCE
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INFLUENCE
 ON
THE
Correct article usage
apply
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CHILD
Use synonyms
GROWING
Replace the word
GROWTH
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.
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
Use synonyms
 DEVELOP
IN
Change preposition
ON
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THE
Correct article usage
apply
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BOTH
SIDE
Fix the agreement mistake
SIDES
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 SO I AM PARTIALLY AGREE WITH THE
STATEMET
Correct your spelling
STATEMENT
, I AM GOING TO DISCUSS
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
Use synonyms
 IN
UPCOMING
Correct article usage
THE UPCOMING
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 PARAGRAPH TO SUPPORT MY VIEWS.
TO BEGIN
Linking Words
 WITH, FIRST OF ALL FAMILY IS THE FIRST SCHOOL OF THE EVERY CHILDREN BECAUSE HE OR SHE CAN LEARN ALOT OF THINGS FROM THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS BECAUSE IN THE FAMILY THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF THE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 LIKE YOUNGER , OLDER, AND GRAND PERENTS SO A NEW BORN BABY CAN GRASP A FLOOD OF KNOWLEDE FORM THEIR MEMBERS, FOR INSTANT THEY CAN LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH SITUATIONS FOR MONEY SAVING AND HOW TO BUILD A HAPPY FAMILY, BECAUSE OF THESE THING THEY CAN APPLY IN THEIR FUTURE LIFE TO OVERCOME THESE SITUATIONS.
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, PEERS HAS A GREAT INFULANE ON
CHILD
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 DEVELOPMENT BECUASE WITH THE HELP OF THEIR SAME AGE
PEOPLE
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 , PUPILS COULD
LERAN A LOT
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learn a lot
 OF THINGS LIKE COMMUNICATION, COOPERATION AND
COMPITIONS
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competition
. BY DOING
THESE
Punctuation problem
THESE,
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 THEY CAN GET SUCESS IN THEIR LIFE, BECAUSE IN
THIS
Linking Words
 MODERN
ERA
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era, children
CHILD
Use synonyms
HAS TO COMPETE
Wrong verb form
have to compete
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 WITH THEIR PEERS TO
GET
Verb problem
achieve
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A
Correct article usage
apply
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GOOD SUCCESS IN THEIR
LIFE
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. FOR
EXAMLE
Correct your spelling
example
BY
Punctuation problem
, BY
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 PLAYING A GAME OR JOIN A GROUP OF
Use synonyms
CHILD
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 COULD
LERAN THESE THINGS
Correct your spelling
learn these things
 SO THEY CAN GET CONFIDENT AND
SELFESTEEM TO DO
Correct your spelling
self-esteem to do
 ANY KIND OF WORK. AFTER
POUNDERING
Correct your spelling
PONDERING
 A GREAT
DEALS
Fix the agreement mistake
DEAL
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 OF THOUGHTS IN THE
ESSAY
Use synonyms
,
IN
Use the right word
I
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 WOULD LIKE
TO CONCLUDE
Linking Words
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
Use synonyms
 THAT
ON
Change preposition
apply
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THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE
CHILD
Use synonyms
 FAMILY HAS MORE
INFULANCE
Correct your spelling
INFLUENCE
 RATHER
Linking Words
THEN
Use the right word
THAN
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A
Correct article usage
apply
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OUTSIDE, BECAUSE PARENTS CAN TEACH THEM HOW TO RESPECT AND
POLITE
Verb problem
BE POLITE
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 WITH
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 , PEERS DO NOT DO THAT.

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structure
Plan your answer. Start with a clear view. Say what you think in the first line. Then give 2 or 3 main points and end with a short end.
coherence
Each paragraph should have a topic sentence that tells what the paragraph is about.
cohesion
Use linking words to join ideas, like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'then', 'however'.
content
Give more clear examples for each idea. Examples should be easy and fit the point.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Fix many errors that slow reading.
content
The writer tries to talk about both side.
content
There is some idea of how family and peers may help a child.
structure
The view is clear, and the essay ends with a stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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