IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Spending time in another country, not as a part of a holiday, is beneficial for one's personal development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Provide reasons and examples to support your answer.

Extended stays in non native countries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important for developing an individual. I believe that it is completely helpful
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons and will be discussed
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when a
person
Use synonyms
 stays in a different country,
then
Linking Words
 he
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to learn new habits and cultures that are not familiar
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 adds another kind of experience
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 of that
person
Use synonyms
. The world has a variety of customs belonging to
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 folk culture.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get married in many ways in various places. In western cultures, a wedding happens in
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 way than in the eastern world. When that
person
Use synonyms
 tries to assimilate in that
Use synonyms
place
Punctuation problem
place,
show examples
 they have to try to form human relations and bring many better qualities in their personal lives. Some
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
marries
Correct subject-verb agreement
marry
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 from
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 race.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 promotes bonding between humanity and creates unbreakable ties and
also
Linking Words
 improves a
person
Use synonyms
's way of living.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another reason to spend time in a new geographical region is to explore new weather and terrain.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 get annoyed
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 living
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 places like deserts. Their lives depend on
such
Linking Words
kind
Check wording
apply
show examples
of region
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 that kind of resourceless
place
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 brings depression. So, these individuals can move to a new
place
Use synonyms
 and change
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 way of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 could promote their satisfaction with their
life
Use synonyms
 and help them learn to get employed in new occupations. In conclusion, living
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one
place
Use synonyms
 is monotonous and
fixate
Verb problem
fixes
show examples
 the mind to live only
certain
Change preposition
in certain
show examples
means
Check wording
ways
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 moving to a different location can promote growth
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 multiple spheres of the personality.
Thus
Linking Words
, if relocation brings many helpful
changes
Punctuation problem
changes,
show examples
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should definitely pursue the growth in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your task response shows a clear view, but the reasons are not strong or clear. Add 2-3 solid reasons with clear links to personal growth from living in another country. Give one or two clear and real examples.
coherence cohesion
The writing flow is not smooth. Use a main idea at the start of each paragraph and connect ideas with simple links like first, also, then, but, finally. Keep sentences shorter and avoid long run-ons.
structure
Intro and conclusion show you know how to start and finish your essay.
content
You talk about real life, culture and work, which make the topic real.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: