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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph represents the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in 3 countries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
contain
Verb problem
include
show examples
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
. From the graph,
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
 had a relatively close
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the fluctuation, with
both
Use synonyms
 having the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
1940
Punctuation problem
1940,
show examples
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the lowest in 1960,
also
Linking Words
 considering that
Japan
Use synonyms
 had a much lower
overall
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 in their fluctuation from 1940 to 2020. Only
then
Linking Words
 did the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 begin to increase dramatically. In 1940,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a difference in
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, with
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 having 10
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 started slowly increasing from 1960 to
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 where they
both
Use synonyms
 increased around 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Unlike
Japan
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 countries had a dramatic change in a different
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
 in which
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had the higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2040. Meanwhile,
Japan
Use synonyms
 began with the lowest
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, having only 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 or lower in 1940
, they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 had a small decline in 1960 until the
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 started to gradually rise in 2000 and rose rapidly in 2020
,
Punctuation problem
. Lastly
show examples
Linking Words
lastly
Add a comma
lastly,
show examples
 they finished with the highest
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in 2040, averaging almost 30
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in
population
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population, usa, sweden, japan, both, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • population
  • aged
  • higher
  • lower
  • increase
  • decrease
  • projected
  • years
  • countries
  • elderly
  • healthcare
  • life expectancy
  • significantly
  • features
  • comparisons
  • challenges
  • care
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