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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph compares the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and over in three different countries
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 1940 to 2040 It is immediately noticeable that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three countries indicate an upward trend in the percentage.
Japan
Use synonyms
 experienced the most dramatic increase over the period.
Use synonyms
Sweden
Check wording
Sweden's
show examples
 growth is more fluctuating,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 rise steadily.
Start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with
USA
Use synonyms
 had the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in
1940
Punctuation problem
1940,
show examples
 about 9 to 10%, growth is moderate
unit
Check wording
growth
show examples
 in 2020,
then
Linking Words
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 sharply to over 23% in 2040.From the beginning
Use synonyms
Sweden
Punctuation problem
, Sweden
show examples
slightly
Verb problem
was slightly
show examples
 lower than
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 at 7%
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
,
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 steadily until the early
1980
Correct your spelling
1980s
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 around 15%
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
moreover,
show examples
Use synonyms
sweden
Fix capitalization
Sweden
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
japan
Fix capitalization
Japan
show examples
 hit their lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 it
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable In 1990,
Japan
Use synonyms
 increased gradually,
then
Linking Words
surges
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 rapidly after 2020. By 2040, it will take over both the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
, reaching 27%. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of these three had a significantly larger population than in 1940.
Japan
Use synonyms
 is expected to record the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 at 27%, followed by
Sweden
Use synonyms
 at about 25%,
while
Linking Words
 the
USA
Use synonyms
 will remain the lowest at over 23%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, usa, sweden, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • population
  • aged
  • higher
  • lower
  • increase
  • decrease
  • projected
  • years
  • countries
  • elderly
  • healthcare
  • life expectancy
  • significantly
  • features
  • comparisons
  • challenges
  • care
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