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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

These days, there has been a trend that
men
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 are starting to take over housework rather than
women
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.
While
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 it is logical that the absence of
women
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 at
home
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 leads to the responsibility of
men
Use synonyms
, it may not be suitable or contribute to the
fulfillment
Use the right word
fulfilment
show examples
 of the
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons and determine if it is positive or negative.
To begin
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 with,
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 are forced to switch their roles because of the alteration in surroundings. As the requirement in stamina and strength is needed for household chores
such
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 as carrying boxes or lifting furniture, which is limited
to
Change preposition
by
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men
Use synonyms
’s ability.
As a result
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,
women
Use synonyms
 have to
work
Use synonyms
 outside to earn enough
finance
Check wording
money
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 to raise the family.
Moreover
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, there are some couples who may be different from the rest in that
women
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 prefer to find
work
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 far from
home
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.
This
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 means that
men
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 must stay at
home
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 to care for the children.Switching roles may have some benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, it can be well-performed. Heavy-duty
work
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 can be assigned to
men
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,
while
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women
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 would
work
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 in the office and perform tasks relating to documents.
In addition
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, it relieves pressure for
women
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, which could encourage
women
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 to
work
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 harder in the workplace and promote productivity, being more diligent and efficient.
For instance
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,
women
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 who are given less exhausting tasks can outperform
men
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 and
work
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 at their best capacity.
Hence
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, they earn much more salary than most
men
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.
On the other hand
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,
men
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 are more willing to find hidden job opportunities and
likely
Verb problem
are likely
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 to get promoted, as they are resilient, even in problematic situations.
This
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 means that
men
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 can open new doors and possibly bring more wealth to the family than
women
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 do.
For example
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, most of the entrepreneurs in the world are
men
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, and very few are actually
women
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. Thereby,
men
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 are odds-on
at taking
Change preposition
to take
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 up tasks in the workplace. In conclusion,
although
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men
Use synonyms
 should
work
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 at
home
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 in
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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certain circumstances, there’s no denying that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 can bring to the innovation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families.
Thus
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,
men
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 should become responsible in
full-time
Correct article usage
a full-time
show examples
 career
instead
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.

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structure
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in the body and the conclusion.
content
Grow ideas with clear, real examples that fit the topic; avoid wide or wrong claims.
grammar
Use short, clean sentences. Check word order and noun-verb form.
coherence
Link ideas with simple linking words to show order and result.
structure
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
The writer tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
content
Some ideas show real effort to explain why men may stay at home.
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