IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many individuals believe that taking regular health check-ups is unnecessary if they feel healthy. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint? Explain your answer.

While
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
 consider that regular
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
check-up
Fix the agreement mistake
check-ups
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 unnecessary for healthy
one's
Check wording
individuals
show examples
, some believe that it may help detect
disease
Use synonyms
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
Use synonyms
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
. I strongly believe that
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
check
Use synonyms
 is necessary for all
people
Use synonyms
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 physical
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
Use synonyms
check
Use synonyms
-up can take a certain amount of time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may disrupt work. Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 over
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
 lives,
due to
Linking Words
navigate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the unstable
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
, they seek
for opportunities
Correct word order
opportunities for
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
promotion to gain better income. It is undeniable that contribution to profit directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the chance to get promoted. If they have to interrupt their work for
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
check-up
Correct article usage
a check-up
show examples
, but are completely healthy, it may only be a waste of time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
check
Use synonyms
 may detect occult symptoms which can support
people
Use synonyms
 to reach adequate treatment in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 of the
disease
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, cancer is one of the major
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 of death in today's society, which can lead to irreversible
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 if found in the terminal
stage
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are feeling healthy, taking
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
Use synonyms
check
Use synonyms
-up annually
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 prevent the tragedy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these days,
people
Use synonyms
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to explore information online, rather than visiting doctors when they feel sick.
This
Linking Words
 may potentially lead
people
Use synonyms
 to
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 solutions for the situation. If
people
Use synonyms
 have
periodical
Correct article usage
a periodical
show examples
Use synonyms
check
Use synonyms
-up, they can ask for advice directly to doctors and gain accurate information. I firmly believe that it is significant for individuals to attend
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 constantly to understand their own
health
Use synonyms
 condition. It is very common for
people
Use synonyms
 to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
leave their
health
Use synonyms
 problems unsolved
due to
Linking Words
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
 life. Annual medical
Use synonyms
check
Use synonyms
-up is a good opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to stop and think about their physical well-being for
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 life, because all
people
Use synonyms
 have a chance to talk to the doctor
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the procedure.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can reach a healthy custom suited
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their own
health
Use synonyms
 condition. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that regular
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 may distract
people
Use synonyms
 from work, others think that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may potentially avoid
disease
Use synonyms
 from
overlooked
Verb problem
being overlooked
show examples
. I strongly agree to annual medical
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
check-up
Fix the agreement mistake
check-ups
show examples
 in order to prevent
disease
Use synonyms
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 and
reach for convince
Verb problem
receive convenient
show examples
 advice from doctors.

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structure
The essay argues a view but leaves some parts flat. Make a clear main idea in the first line and keep it through.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'so' to show how points are tied.
content
Give a bit more proof or real reason for each point. Use one small example per idea.
grammar
fix small grammar and spell mistakes and use short, clear sentences.
conclusion
End with a short restatement of your view.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
content
There is an attempt to give examples to support ideas.
structure
The text has basic paragraph structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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