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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows three types of sports that has mostly played between 1985 and 2005

the graph below shows three types of sports that has mostly played between 1985 and 2005
The line graph illustrates how many people took part in four different types of team sports
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as basketball,
tennis
Use synonyms
,
badminton
Use synonyms
 and
rugby
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
rugby
Use synonyms
 and
tennis
Use synonyms
 were the most popular sports
while
Linking Words
 basketball and
badminton
Use synonyms
 were the least played during the period shown.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the number of people playing
rugby
Use synonyms
 reached
at
Use the right word
a
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 peak of about 240 in 1985 and saw a significant decrease until 2005.
In contrast
Linking Words
, despite the decrease in the number of
tennis
Use synonyms
 players for the first 5 years, there was a steady rise to
220 approximately
Correct word order
approximately 220
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 from 1990 onwards. Interestingly, the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both
rugby
Use synonyms
 and
tennis
Use synonyms
 showed a similarity, which stayed at 200 in 1995. In terms of both
badminton
Use synonyms
 and basketball, the trend for these two sports remained stable throughout the years, which was 50 and around 70
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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. Another
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 fact from the graph is that the number of players who participated in both
rugby
Use synonyms
 and
badminton
Use synonyms
 sank to the lowest rate of 50
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tennis, badminton, rugby with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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