IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Sometimes,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the public knows the damage of bad hobbies, they can not
resistis
Correct your spelling
resist
 it. to address the issue, the government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improve public awareness and impose heavy revenue on
unhealth
Use the right word
unhealthy
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
Geting
Correct your spelling
Getting
 rid of a bad life habit could be a
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
challenge
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
 for
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
. Some are addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 alcohol, some are
absessed
Correct your spelling
addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smoking. Harmful
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
 or
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
 even come across
addictors'
Correct your spelling
addicts'
 entire life span,
for example
Linking Words
, my father has tried more than five times to quit
ciggrrite
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 since his doctor said that he could die
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
lunge
Use the right word
lung
show examples
 cancer. He
close
Correct subject-verb agreement
closes
show examples
 himself in
bedroom
Correct article usage
the bedroom
show examples
medicating
Punctuation problem
, medicating
show examples
 or
excising
Verb problem
exercising
show examples
 when suffering, unfortunately, all efforts ultimately fail. In the end, he said
himself
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
 can accept the death that
arribute
Wrong verb form
is attributed
show examples
 to smoking. Admitely, humans are weak and lack of se;f control, especially those seniors. In order to minimise the loss that poor life habits result in, the government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 promote positive lifestyle and impose high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on
products
Use synonyms
 like alcohol,
ciggarttee
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 and drugs. particularly, the authority should fund public
addvertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 via social media, television, and broadcast.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, starting health education from primary school and making
puples to
Correct your spelling
pupils
inffuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 their parents can be efficient. Aside
that
Change preposition
from that
show examples
,
imosing
Correct your spelling
imposing
 revenue is another economic
saction
Correct your spelling
action
 to prevent folk
consuming
Change preposition
from consuming
show examples
unhealth
Use the right word
unhealthy
show examples
products
Use synonyms
. And statistic shows that some have abandoned their
addition
Use the right word
addiction
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smoking and drinking
dur
Correct your spelling
due
 to
unaffordble
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
mataining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 public fitness is a long way to go, especially for those who have
abessed
Correct your spelling
abused
 something in decades. Our government should work on it by spreading good lifestyles and
leaying
Correct your spelling
laying
on
Change preposition
off
show examples
posionous
Correct your spelling
poisonous
products
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Start with a short intro that states the problem, then two or three clear ideas for causes and solutions, and finish with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple and correct spellings. Check words that are easy to misspell, like 'even though', 'should', 'tax', and 'habits'.
coherence
Link ideas with simple wording. Use 'first', 'then', 'also', 'however' to show cause and effect and order.
content
Give one or two examples and explain how they show the point. Keep the example clear and relevant to the idea.
style
Avoid long and hard sentences. Break ideas into two sentences if needed.
task response
The essay tries to cover both why people do bad health acts and how to stop them.
content
There is some real life content, like the example about quitting smoking and the idea to tax or stop bad products.
content
Some clear ideas on policy like ads, health education, and taxes are present.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • awareness
  • social pressure
  • cultural norms
  • addiction
  • dependency
  • coping mechanism
  • stress
  • mental health
  • healthier alternatives
  • marketing
  • advertising
  • consequences
  • habit
  • affordable
  • readily available
What to do next:
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