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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

37.Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parenting nowadays is one of the hardest roles to play in one's lifetime. Kids are growing in an environment full of
diferent
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different
 technologies and
fast moving
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fast-moving
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 industries. Controlling them or teaching them
life
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 skills is troublesome sometimes. Because of
that
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that,
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 they break rules and regulations
and
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, and
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parents
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 are held responsible for their actions. I totally disagree with
this
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 notion. First of all, all the
parents
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 want their children to be the best human
being
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beings
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which
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, which
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 sometimes is not in their hands
due to
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 their schooling patterns and friend circles.
Secondly
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, the use of social media is in excess in their daily
life
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which
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, which
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 changes their sense of thinking and
also
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 their personality.
For example
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, in a survey, it is found that the pupils who do not have any social media accounts and only focus on studies are more focused, confident and
self oriented
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self-oriented
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 than the ones who use
technolgy alot
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technology a lot
.
Moreover
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, kids these days say that their
life
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 is their
life
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, no one can really interfere in their
decision makings
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decision-making
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 after a
cretain
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certain
 age.
Due to
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 which it becomes hard for the
parents
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 to correct them when they are wrong.
However
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, it starts from the very beginning of their
up-bringing
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upbringing
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but
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, but
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any thing
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anything
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thats
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that's
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 good in the
beggining
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beginning
not
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does not
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 assure that it is going to be the same in the end too.
To sum up
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, no laws should be made to punish
parents
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 for the mistakes of their kids
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instead
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; instead
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 government need to focus on the
overall
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 growth of the students through better educational
facilties
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facilities
 and norms.

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task response
Task response: You take a clear stand but give few strong reasons. Add more clear reasons and maybe a brief look at a counterpoint then refute it. Include a shorter direct link to the prompt at the end of the introduction and in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a good order but some sentences do not connect well. Use one clear topic sentence per paragraph and link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'so', 'for example'. Use transitions to show the flow.
task completion
The writer states a clear view and keeps to it throughout the essay.
structure
There is a simple structure: intro, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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