IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

In
this
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 generation,
people
Use synonyms
 have a
lot
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 of problems when it comes to sleep. There will be a
lot
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 of causes for
this
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 situation.
Due to
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 different factors and on a case-by-case basis, it has become hard to achieve sleep now. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle the reasons and solutions for
this
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.
To begin
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 with, sleep is important to a person's health, and not having a complete rest can damage
one
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's physical and mental health. There are a
lot
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 of reasons,
for instance
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,
one
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 of which is the job. A job can result in a
lot
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 of stress and anxiety;
therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 need to focus and finish their tasks overnight, which can result in a lack of sleep. Another
one
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 is a
lot
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 of usage of gadgets; we use them for
one
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 whole day until bedtime.
Thus
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, it can damage our eyes, and our nighttime routine will be
disorganized
Use the right word
disorganised
show examples
due to
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 browsing the internet and watching a
lot
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 of videos on social media.
Lastly
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, for women, the hormonal balance can be a huge factor, too. If the hormones are not well-balanced, it can interrupt or make it hard to fall asleep at night. To achieve
this
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, the work-life balance should be implemented. The companies need to
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 their employees' health and create rules.
For example
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, they can make the working days four days only
instead
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 of five.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can have time for the things they love to do, like hobbies and spending quality time with family.
Also
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, reducing the use of gadgets and browsing of social media, because we can stop comparing ourselves to other
people
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.
To conclude
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, having a work-life balance is needed,
as well as
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 being
contented
Replace the word
content
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 what we have and releasing the heavy burdens that society dictates.

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coherence
Use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to show its main idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple transitions like also, but, so, and for that reason to help flow.
task
Add more detail to each point; give one or two simple examples to show why sleep is hurt.
structure
Explain how the ideas fit together, and keep the plan in mind from start to end.
structure
There is a clear plan to discuss causes and fixes.
coherence
The essay uses linking words like To begin with and To conclude.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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