IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best ways to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, howerver, believe there are better alternative ways to reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.(phuong)

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, the best way to decrease crime is a topic of debate.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
give for
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long
time
Use synonyms
 is key, others hold the view that there are many other ways to help prisoners improve. Personally, I completely agree with the latter,
although
Linking Words
 I acknowledge the benefits of both. On the one hand, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that
criminals
Use synonyms
 in
prison
Use synonyms
longer
Change preposition
for longer
show examples
 than the best way.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have many
time
Use synonyms
 to renovate, which helps them
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 wrong
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is done
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when
people
Use synonyms
 in jail
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 taught about education,
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 to help higher social awareness and
wrong doing
Use the right word
wrongdoing
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Kha Banh is a young person offensed
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
. He 1st
time
Use synonyms
go
Use the right word
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 one to two years, and
freely
Rephrase
was then
show examples
 released. But he still
offense
Use the right word
offence
show examples
, and Kha Banh
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 to go to jail 2nd
time
Use synonyms
 with the fine is 10 years.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 he
realized
Use the right word
realised
show examples
 the
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 of and transform.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the law is more serious,
deterrent
Correct article usage
a deterrent
show examples
 will help avoid criminal acts, causing
people
Use synonyms
 to comply with regulations
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 compliance with traffic, no robbery and no stealing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
criminals
Use synonyms
 will feel more sorry when there are other alternatives. One major way is
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
,
administrative
Correct article usage
an administrative
show examples
 fine
according to
Linking Words
 personal income.
This
Linking Words
 is
evidence
Replace the word
evidenced
show examples
 by when
people
Use synonyms
offense
Replace the word
offend
show examples
 the law
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
show examples
 on the extent, they must be
pubnished
Correct your spelling
punished
 by paying the money as prescribed.
In addition
Linking Words
, with petty criminal or minor
offense
Use the right word
offences
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will have to go to social
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is done by
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
engaging
activities
Change preposition
in activities
show examples
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 planting trees, making roads,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
show examples
 under the supervision of police. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that
crime
Replace the word
criminals
show examples
 should be in
prison
Use synonyms
 longer to
trasnform
Correct your spelling
transform
, I firmly believe that other ways
also
Linking Words
 help reduce
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
criminals
Use synonyms
 in society.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
content
Give one clear, simple example for each idea and keep it easy to relate to.
organization
Make one main idea in each paragraph and use simple links to connect them.
grammar
Check subject-verb and preposition use; fix common grammar errors.
lexical
Use only common, easy words and short sentences.
structure
The essay tries to answer the task and shows both sides.
organization
There is an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
The topic is clear and the goal is stated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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