IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people want governments to spend money on other plants to look for life. Others believe that it is a waste of public money when there are many unsolved problems on Earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate over where the government’s
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent, with some saying that on other
plants
Use synonyms
 for life and others arguing that there are several issues on
earth
Use synonyms
 which should be solved. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 on other
plants
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 might be beneficial, allocating
money
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 for
problems
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 which are on
earth
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 is crucial. On the one hand,
while
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 there are many reasons why governments should spend funds
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 researching other planets, one of the main reasons is that the population is increasing gradually. Research shows that there was no decline in population numbers, and there is highly there might be overpopulation on
Earth
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.
Moreover
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, overpopulation can lead to numerous issues
such
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 as housing shortages, unemployment and pressure on public services. For these reasons, to avoid
such
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 issues, the government should allocate
money
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 to other planets to search for life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it would be better if the government invest
money
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 in
problems
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 which are unsolved on
earth
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, since looking for other
plants
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 can be a waste of time.
In addition
Linking Words
, there is enough space on the
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earth
Fix capitalization
Earth
show examples
 to build apartments for people. The most important thing is that nowadays, many countries are suffering from persistent
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as poverty.
For example
Linking Words
, South Sudan still struggles to reduce extreme poverty and many rural areas too.
Therefore
Linking Words
, after solving these kinds of
problems
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 government can start looking at other
plants
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a visible reason to spend
money
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 on the other plant to find a place to live, I strongly believe that it is beneficial when
problems
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 on the
earth
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 are solved.

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structuring
Make a clear plan with three parts: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short end.
language
Use simple words and short sentences. Fix big errors like 'plants' vs 'planets'.
evidence
Add more strong examples and numbers to back up your ideas.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two sides.
structure
Your essay has clear paragraphs.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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