IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The escalation of environmental problems has garnered considerable attention in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 the first group
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 believes that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of some
species
Use synonyms
 of animals and plants is a burning environmental issue, the second group thinks that there are other factors that have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 detrimental impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. From my point of view, the extinction is a serious issue
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are problems,
such
Linking Words
 as global warming, that demand far more attention in their
resolving
Replace the word
resolution
show examples
. The compelling argument of the first group is that biodiversity is a root indicator of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature’s “health”. To be clear, if no obstacles
supresses
Correct your spelling
suppress
development of the
Correct word order
the development of
show examples
 nature, the proportion of lost
species
Use synonyms
 will be at the
minumum
Correct your spelling
minimum
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, extinction of
species
Use synonyms
 should concern mankind, as it shows that some
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 collapses are going
Change preposition
on know
show examples
know
Use the right word
now
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 vivid example of it can be seen in the Aral
sea
Fix capitalization
Sea
show examples
 shrinking problem
when
Punctuation problem
, when
show examples
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 number of
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 and plants were dying during
this
Linking Words
 environmental catastrophe. If people paid more attention to the decreasing
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of local creatures, they would
faster
Correct word order
apply
show examples
find the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it
, and
Correct word order
faster, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 ecological catastrophe would never exist.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of some
species
Use synonyms
 can be a great
impication
Correct your spelling
indication
 of some bigger environmental issues and may help
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 rapid
resolving
Replace the word
resolution
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
Linking Words
 state that other environmental issues
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 profound impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and people’s lives. As the loss of some animals and plants has no direct effect on the quality of an individual’s life, unlike global warming.
For example
Linking Words
, consequences of the increase in global average temperature detrimentally influence all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives, from food supplies to
accomadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if mankind
overlook
Correct subject-verb agreement
overlooks
show examples
 the concern of global warming, its implications,
such
Linking Words
 as floods and extreme weather conditions, will dramatically reduce areas that could be used in agriculture and cover
costal
Use the right word
coastal
show examples
 regions with water.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is significantly important to concentrate
environmental
Change preposition
on environmental
show examples
 concerns that have more impact on
out
Use the right word
our
show examples
 lives.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that the decrease of some
species
Use synonyms
 is not the biggest environmental issue that humanity is facing now
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 there
others
Verb problem
are others
show examples
, like global warming, that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be solved faster.

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strength
You discuss both views and give a clear own view. This is a strength.
tip
In the intro, state a clear thesis and show your plan for the essay.
tip
Some spelling and wording are wrong. Learn common spellings and use easy words.
tip
Break the essay into four or five short paragraphs: intro, view A, view B, your view, conclusion.
strength
Shows balance by giving both sides and a view.
strength
Gives an example (Aral Sea) to support a point.
strength
Uses linking words to connect ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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