IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The first table illustrates how the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 changed through 3 centuries, from the 18th to the 20th century. The other two tables compare the proportions of the
population
Use synonyms
 in five different
districts
Use synonyms
 of the
city
Use synonyms
, namely
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island, over
this
Linking Words
 period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 saw an increase during these 300 years.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, which
built
Verb problem
had built
show examples
 the majority of the
population
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
, could not lead the pack by 2000, and the largest percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 was built by other
districts
Use synonyms
 by 2000. In 1800, the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 was 79,216, comprising 60,515
people
Use synonyms
 from
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 and 18,701
people
Use synonyms
 from four other
districts
Use synonyms
. By 1900, the pace at which the
population
Use synonyms
 of other
districts
Use synonyms
 increased could become considerably faster than
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, making them 46% and 54% of the total
population
Use synonyms
, respectively. By 2000, the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 reached a peak of 8,009,185. Just under one-fifth of
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 was built by
people
Use synonyms
 from
Manhattan
Use synonyms
, which was about 1,538,096
people
Use synonyms
, and roughly 80% of that was contributed to other
districts
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, york, city, districts, manhattan, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: