IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

37.Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argues that parent of kids who breaks the rules should be punished in a way
instead
Linking Words
 of their household because they are responsible for their birth's behavior I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 because I believe that each person should take full guilt of their own actions, and if their parents take the plane
instead
Linking Words
 of their ancestry, they will not learn from it.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to an irresponsible generation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the parents take the blame
instead
Linking Words
 of their folk that the child will not learn that he did something wrong because no one will punish him for it , and that will make the child break more rules because there are no consequences to it.
Also
Linking Words
, taking full authority for their children's behaviour will lead us to raise an irresponsible generation in the long term , and a lot of
clan
Check wording
children
show examples
 will grow up without a sense of importance in their lives, making their life more hard because they rely on their parents for everything.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning/content
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then add 2-3 reasons with simple examples.
coherence
Use clear links to show how ideas connect. Words like 'also', 'because', 'for this reason' help.
grammar
Check your grammar and verbs. Use simple form for common words.
structure
Use one main idea per paragraph. Do not mix ideas.
stance
Shows a clear view that parents should not be blamed.
content
Some ideas are on topic and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: